Page 86 of Playing With Love

“No. Why?”

“But you’re afraid if I love you I’ll neglect you.”

I wasn’t sure if that was a question or if he was simply stating my fear.

“I guess. I don’t know. It’s all twisted in my head. I don’t know why me loving you doesn’t scare me, but the thought of you loving me back has me wanting to crawl out of my skin.”

As soon as I admitted the truth, shared the crux of my issue, I wanted to pull the words back.

“Sweetheart.”

I heard his pain in that one gut-punch word.

“I know it sounds crazy⁠—”

“It doesn’t. What it was, was honest. That’s the part that’s twisted. That’s the part I’m going to detangle. The same way I had to undo the damage my father inflicted, you have to do the same. Now that I understand where your head’s at, I’m going to see to doing just that. And I won’t stop until you can accept I love you and hear me say those words to you without retreating and running. While I’m working that out, I’m going to hold onto the knowledge you love me. And just so you get the full scope of what’s happening here, the next time you try to push me away, I’m gonna tear that scar wide open and bleed it out until the poison he left you with is purged.”

That sounded scary and painful.

Mine.

So scary, I shoved it to the back of my mind as we approached the first house on the compound. A modest-sized, red barn-style home, with a gabled front porch complete with a cute cartoonish bear with a welcome sign around its neck.

“Mackenzie’s house,” I noted.

“Lizzy,” Tucker growled. “Did you hear me?”

Mine.

“Loud and clear, Tucker.”

This time when he grunted, I could cipher the sound so I pretended I didn’t hear it.

What I couldn’t pretend was that I didn’t feel something so big I felt like I was going to fly apart; my chest heaved with it and my stomach clenched. But mostly my heart filled with so much hope I knew I’d lost the battle.

Tucker had won.

It was then I covered his hand on my thigh.

He immediately pulled his hand away, twisted it so we were palm to palm, and laced his fingers through mine.

The rest of the drive was done in silence—the heavy kind that left me unsettled. Thankfully, the drive to Allyson’s cute cottage was quick. If I’d been in a better state of mind I would’ve appreciated the cherry yellow batten board siding and red tin roof. But I was too lost in my head to give more than a passing thought. By the time Tucker parked behind Allyson in a makeshift driveway, I was ready to jump out of the car. Unfortunately, Tucker halted my mad dash for fresh air by tugging my hand in his direction, before he kissed the inside of my wrist.

“Everything’s going to work out.”

“Okay.”

“Lizzy, baby, I promise you, everything is going to work out.”

I knew two things: Tucker was not the kind of man who made promises he couldn’t keep. Neither was he the type of man who would purposefully break my heart. But this was one of those times when logic and fear warred.

“I believe you,” I begrudgingly told him. “Just don’t be mad if I need you to keep reminding me.”

Another kiss, this one a brush of his lips over my fingers.

“I’ll remind you every day for the rest of your life if that’s what it takes.”

Then for the first time in my life I realized how very wrong my mother was. Love wasn’t supposed to be hard, it wasn’t supposed to come with conditions, it wasn’t built around time, it wasn’t something you fit into your schedule, and it certainly wasn’t selfish.