Page 133 of Jonas

“I’ll see what they have.”

I didn’t see Lore leave the living room, primarily because my eyes were fixed on the wall in front of me, too afraid if I moved my gaze my temper would flare out of control.

There was jostling.

I stared at the wall.

There was shifting.

I stared at the wall.

I heard Derrika’s shoes hit the floor.

I stared at the wall.

I heard her suck in a pain-filled breath.

I stared at the wall.

“Doesn’t look too bad,” Nebraska said.

Her conversational tone made the throbbing in my neck intensify.

A bottle of open tequila appeared. “Here.”

Derrika accepted the bottle, put it to her lips, and tipped her head back.

“Thanks,” she wheezed.

“Take one more, then I’ll clean this up.”

Derrika’s head tipped back again, then she handed off the bottle.

And I could take no more.

I started to lift Derrika off my lap but her hand fisted my shirt.

“Don’t,” she pleaded. “I’m exactly where we both need me to be.”

“Derrika,” I warned.

“Do not Derrika me, Jonas. None of this is your fault. Or mine. And two of the people responsible are very dead, and the third is going to have a worse night than I had.”

“Dee Dee,” I tried again.

“No, Jonas. We promised honesty. This is me being honest. I need you to put aside whatever you’re feeling and give me this. Later, after I’ve showered away the shit of my day, then I’ll put in the effort to convince you, none of this is your fault. I know it won’t help, but I’m still going to try. Then we’re going to get into bed, and we’re going to be grateful that you, Cash, and Lore got to me in time. Tomorrow, I’ll put in more work, and the next day, and the next, until you finally believe me that I’m okay and you are not to blame for any of what happened.”

Fuck.

I could argue she was wrong, that if I’d only gone into that pub with her she would not have been taken. But there was no use. Just like she could try and absolve me until the end of days and I would never be free of blame. That was my cross to bear. Not hers, and I’d keep that burden to myself so she didn’t feel the weight of it.

I settled back and relaxed.

“Thank you.”

Good Christ, she was killing me.

I dipped my gaze and was met with the sight of beautiful blue eyes full of concern—for me.