Page 51 of Brooks

“I told you—”

“You’re lying. You keep trying to ditch us. The first time was when those idiots took a shot at us on the boat. The second is when they tried to breach the compound. And now that Nazari has sent someone else after you, you’re trying it again. Maybe you’re scared and you don’t trust us.”

“Has it occurred to you that I’m trying to keep the five of you safe? Nazari is sending people to kill me. Me. Not any of you. However, if you’re with me, there’s a possibility one of you could be collateral damage.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“You’re so smug, you think a bullet won’t kill you?”

“Doll, when my time’s up, it’s up. I die just as easily as any other man. The difference is, Nazari ain’t too smart and neither are the amateurs he’s been sending in. I’m not worried because, again, he ain’t too smart.”

Tatiana was holding something else back. Damn stubborn woman. “Why are you scared?”

“I’m not.”

“Goddamn, woman! What has you so afraid?”

I was being a dick and I knew it. Seemed the only way to make her tell the truth was when she was cornered and pissed. I wasn’t proud of my behavior, nor was I ashamed. I’d do whatever it took to get her to talk.

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” she practically growled. “It’s not you I don’t trust. It’s me, you asshole.”

“You?”

“You didn’t get yourself captured and beaten. I did. It wasn’t you who fucked up and walked into a trap. It was me who did. I trusted my gut and almost got myself killed. Obviously, it’s me who cannot be trusted and I don’t want anyone getting hurt because my instincts suck.”

“That’s jacked,” I told her.

“No. It’s real.”

“If by ‘real’ you mean what you’ve brainwashed yourself into believing.”

“Brooks!”

“Doll, you know as well as I do it’s a chance we all take. You strap on a vest the same as I do. We plan, we have backup plans, we go with our gut, we study the intel, and still shit can go sideways. It’s the name of the game and we all play.”

“I get that, Brooks. However, I walked right into it. I wanted to prove to myself that after everything that happened with James, I wasn’t as inept has he told me I was. I went back to work with a fire in my belly wanting to reaffirm my competence. And what did I do? I didn’t fucking listen. There were conflicting reports. I chose to follow the intel that would give me the fastest results, not what was safest or right. So, yes, I know the game, I willingly play it, but this was not an operation that went sideways. It was my fault. All of it.”

“You’re not the first operative to take a risk and have it be the wrong choice, and you won’t be the last. We all have fire in our bellies. It’s what makes us good at our jobs. We all have something to prove to ourselves. Each time we train, we push harder. Each mission we try to execute it better. We are constantly proving, pushing, improving. It is what we do. You can’t beat yourself up about one fuck-up. Learn from it. Grow. Then move the fuck on. If you second-guess every decision, you’ll paralyze yourself with indecision. And that, Doll, is dangerous.”

She looked like she was getting ready to argue some more but before she could open her mouth to utter anymore bullshit, I beat her to it. “And you’re wrong. I’ve been by your side three times now when shit hit the fan. And three times you impressed the hell outta me. I trust your instincts and your judgement. So you can stand here and tell me all about how you don’t trust yourself, because at the end of the day, I know it’s a lie you’re trying to convince yourself of. This is second-nature to you. When we were being chased, you didn’t think. Your training took over and you went with your gut. I’d have you at my back, anytime.”

“I’m still not sure,” she mumbled.

“I’m sure enough for the both of us. Nazari will not be an issue for us. And after tomorrow, he’ll no longer be an issue for anyone.”

“Okay.”

“Are you staying?”

“Yes.”

Relief washed over me and I wasn’t sure that was such a good thing. I was far more invested in her than I should’ve been. I was already in too deep, and as the saying went: in for a penny in for a pound. I wasn’t pulling back now.

“Great. Go grab your shit. We gotta hit the road.”

Chapter 21

An hour was a long time to be sitting in an SUV with five irritated men. Well, maybe only four were still annoyed with me. Brooks seemed to have forgiven me for my wishy-washy behavior but, Declan, Max, Kyle, and Thad were all still standoffish. Al Qatif may’ve only been a forty-five-minute drive according to the map, but traffic at the border crossing was a nightmare. We still had at least another half hour before we arrived and I couldn’t take another second of the silence.