Page 51 of Thaddeus

“I hate you.” She banged one more time and her face dropped. “I hate you so much. Why’d you let her leave?”

“Because there wasn’t time. I needed to get you out of there,” I answered.

Her head came up and her hair was a tangled mess. And when I brushed the dirty locks off her face and my fingertips glided against her skin, I knew I’d made a huge mistake.

“You should’ve saved her.”

God, those green eyes. I’d missed them so damn much.

I’d spent many nights thinking how beautiful our babies would be if they got her pretty eyes.

Fuck.

I grabbed the shampoo from the ledge and dumped a dollop in my palm.

Without thinking I started to lather up her hair. I should’ve waited, given myself a moment to brace before I touched her again. But I hadn’t, and the repercussions of having my hands on her, even in her dirty hair, were bearing down on me.

“You should’ve saved her,” Emerson whispered.

I ignored her. Partly because I was fighting to keep my head right under the weight of every emotion that had flooded me, and partly because I wasn’t ready to admit why that would’ve never happened.

There was no chance I was leaving Emerson’s side, not even to save her sister. And most especially after Autumn had told us Emerson was marked.

I wouldn’t be sharing my reasons behind choosing Emerson. Those were mine and mine alone. And until I figured out where my head was at, they’d stay that way.

“Lean your head back and rinse.”

Like a zombie she did what I asked and more dirt washed down the drain.

When she righted her head and her gaze came to mine, I couldn’t take the pain I saw. I wanted to pull her to me and promise I’d make everything right. Instead I told her to turn around. I was a coward; I couldn’t make that promise and I couldn’t bear to look at her pretty face any longer.

I picked up the soap and rubbed it between my hands. When the suds bubbled over, I looked up and went solid.

My name. Up close and personal. The black lettering went shoulder blade to shoulder blade.

Fuck.

Before I could stop myself, I traced the lines with my finger.

“Why’d you get this?”

“I needed you with me. There were times in the darkness when all I had was your name. The reminder there are good men in the world and at one time I’d been loved by one. No matter where I was or who I was with, I was branded, my heart owned, and no one could touch that. Not that part of me.”

I felt the air leave my lungs and I didn’t know how to process what she’d told me.

“Why didn’t you come back to me, after you found Autumn?”

I’d been gnawing on that for days. Ever since I’d read the report and knew that Autumn had been rescued. There were two years unaccounted for between when her sister had been found and Tex had found the bit of intel on her.

“I was going to. We got Autumn back and then I listened to the voicemails and read the text messages you’d sent. By the time I’d heard the last one, even though I knew it was too late and I’d hurt you too badly to forgive me, I still called. I wanted to explain why.”

“You didn’t call.”

“I did. It went to voicemail and I was too much of a chickenshit to leave a message. I tried again a few weeks later and your phone went straight to voicemail again. After that I thought it was best to leave you alone. It’d been months by then and I figured you’d moved on and wouldn’t want to hear from me, anyway.”

“You thought wrong,” I spat and turned her around to face me, then I turned us again so her back was to the wall and mine was under the spray.

“I never moved on. Not in the months after you left and not in the years since. Not knowing where you were or what happened to you crushed me.”