Page 59 of Thaddeus

His pain was shredding me, even if I didn’t understand what had caused it.

Thaddeus did an ab curl, tagged me around the back of the neck, and went back down, taking me with him. I landed on his chest and he rolled us until I was on my back and he shoved his face into my neck.

“Fuck, Emmy,” he groaned there.

That was a lot of fucks, and I still didn’t know what had him so worked up.

“I think you need to explain what’s happening, Thaddeus.”

He didn’t say anything; he just kept his face buried and held me tight. My arms came up and I wrapped them around his broad torso and planted my palms on his back. And damn if it didn’t feel good. The weight of him pressing me to the mattress, his breath on my neck, one of his hands on the back of my head.

God, I’d missed this. Missed him. And feeling it now, after all these years, it hurt like a mother. Because I knew whatever had freaked Thaddeus out would pass, and when it did, he’d take it back and I’d be left with yet another memory of how good it felt to be in his arms.

Life sucked.

The universe had been cruel but this, right here, had to be the worst kind of joke. Giving me something so sweet, when I couldn’t keep it.

I didn’t know what to say, so we both just laid there holding on to each other. After a spell of us sitting in silence, I felt wetness against my throat and I was thinking I must’ve been imagining things. But the longer I waited, the more of it I felt.

“Thaddeus, baby, are you okay?”

He shook his head but didn’t move.

Shit.

I couldn’t begin to know what had upset him. Maybe it was Declan. His teammate had had a brush with death, so close his throat had actually been cut. Yeah, that had to be it. Thaddeus was close to Declan, seeing him almost die would tear him up.

Damn.

His head came up, and with wetness still brimming in his lids, my heart skipped a beat before it started pounding double time. Thaddeus did not cry, not ever. Not when he got word his granddad had passed. Not when his brother called to tell him his beloved dog had died. Both of those events had hit him hard but never a tear was shed.

Now, there were tears.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered.

“Fuck, Emmy, this should’ve gone differently. Too fucking prideful.”

I was still lost, so I continued to stare up at his deep brown eyes wondering about all the things they’d seen over the last ten years. All the places he’d been, all the things he’d done. All of the things I’d missed out on.

“I should’ve scooped you up and thanked God I’d found you. I should’ve washed that asshole’s blood off of you and promised to never let you go. Instead, I verbally tore you apart.”

What? Was he delirious?

“I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you how much I missed you. I should’ve told you I’d been waiting for you to come home. I should’ve told you how much I loved you. But I didn’t. I was a dick. Pride. Too damn prideful.”

Thaddeus balanced on one elbow above me and trailed a finger along the hairline at my forehead, then down around my cheek, and stopped when he got to my chin. He’d done that before. After he was done making love to me he’d look down at me and trail his hand over the contours of my face and tell me how beautiful I was.

“And ten years ago I was a stupid twenty-two-year-old kid with too much ego, sulking, disbelieving that you’d leave me. My heart was broken, my soul crushed, and my ego bruised. I shouldn’t’ve ever left you those messages. They never should’ve turned ugly. Too much fucking ego to tell you what I really meant—I’d wait the rest of my life for you. I should’ve remembered my Emmy. She wouldn’t have left me for no reason. I’m so sorry I didn’t.”

My head was spinning and I was so afraid I’d heard him wrong. Hope was desperately trying to break free from the box I’d locked it in.

“I’m not letting you go. Not again. And if you try to leave me again, I’ll chase you down. I got nothing to lose this time. Nothing that will stop me from finding you. There’s nothing you need to protect me from. I’m free of all that. It’s my turn to protect you.”

“What?”

I had to have fallen back asleep and was in the midst of the cruelest nightmare my mind could conjure up—Thaddeus telling me he still loved me and wasn’t letting me go. Then only to wake up and realize none of it had been real. I’d tasted it, felt it, wanted it, but I still couldn’t have it because he hated me. Yeah, that nightmare would almost be worse than dreaming about my broken and beaten-down sister with dead eyes, and still not wanting my help.

“I’m not givin’ up a second chance with you. I’m taking it, agápi mou. And no fuckin’ joke, I’m layin’ it out for you, if I catch a hint you’re gonna run, I’m cuffing you to me. There’s no way I’ve found you after all these years that I’m letting anyone take you from me. And that includes you takin’ yourself from me. We’re gonna figure this shit out, together. And when it’s over, we’re going back home and we’re gonna figure our shit out. After we do that, we’re finally gonna get down to livin’ the life we’d both talked about wanting. And we’re doing it fast.”