Page 62 of Thaddeus

“If you’re asking me how many lives she’s taken, the answer is a lot. And before you ask, no, I’m not going to give you a full audit of her life. I don’t know everything, but I know enough to understand she’s on a path she believes is a righteous one. She’s probably saved as many lives as she’s taken. I wanted you to know about Stanley James so you’d understand where Autumn was coming from. But that’s it, you don’t need to take on anymore than you have.”

“I want to know, Thad.”

“Trust me, baby, you don’t. You saw your sister, and it guts me to tell you this, but she is not you. She’s not going to see the light of day until she feels her work is done. And until then she’s locked herself in a place that allows her to carry out the acts of violence she does.”

“She told me to forget her. There was nothing there, behind her eyes. She needs me—how am I supposed to walk away?”

“Autumn told you to forget her, because she doesn’t want you to see who she’s become. But more than that, seeing you, knowing how much you love her, feeling the tiniest bit of your goodness, will remind her she’s human.”

Emerson’s eyes flared and with vehemence replied, “She is human, Thaddeus. What else would she be?”

I’d stepped into a pile of shit that now needed explaining. The problem was, I couldn’t educate Emerson on the ways people transform themselves while I was staring down at her pretty face. I couldn’t watch as realization hit that everything I needed to tell her was born from hard-earned experience.

So, I took the coward’s way and rolled, catching the pull chain of the lamp and giving it a yank, plunging us into darkness. I found her arm and tugged her toward me and held her to my side. I waited until she relaxed against me and she gave the hand I was holding a squeeze before I started.

“Right now your sister’s on a mission. She’s locked all emotion out. It’s the only way she can function doing what she’s doing. She’s set aside her humanity and consequence. She feels no remorse for the lives she’s taking because to her they are not people—they’re targets—her mission is to eliminate as many of them as she can. So when I say she’s not human, what I mean is, she’s acting on instinct—basic, primal need to stay alive.”

“It sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

“I am.”

Emerson was quiet for a long time, so long I was beginning to worry I’d told her too much.

“Was it hard?”

“No,” I told her honestly. “The men I’ve killed deserved it. I’ve never taken an innocent life.”

“I get it,” she whispered.

I knew she did. But unlike her, I harbored no guilt for a job well done. During my career in the Navy, I’d hit every target I’d intended, and now working for Zane Lewis, my record was the same. Once my crosshairs were on a man, he was as good as dead. I made no apologies for the job I did.

However, I knew Emerson, old and new. Twenty-one-year-old college student and thirty-one-year-old woman in search of her baby sister. She was the same. Good to her core. She’d feel the mark of death to her soul.

“You did what you had to do, Emmy. And not one of those men didn’t deserve to get put down.”

“Thought that at the time but—”

“No buts, baby. They deserved it.”

“Do you think my dad knows about Stanley? I mean, who he really was? What he was doing?”

“I don’t think so.”

And I didn’t know, but I prayed he didn’t. For everyone involved—his ex-wife, his girls—I hoped like hell Emerson’s dad was clean. I’d have to ask Tex to check the man’s financials, though I was sure he’d already done it. Tex was thorough; when Tex investigated, he crawled so deep he missed nothing. But it never hurt to double-check, especially when the information had the potential of crushing Emerson, and Autumn, too.

Emerson let out a heavy sigh and snuggled in closer. The weight of her arm across my chest, the feel of her pressed close to my side, the silk of her hair laying on my shoulder, was something I never thought I’d have again. But now that I had it, I wasn’t giving it up without a fight.

“I’m gonna try and believe,” she whispered. “But if it doesn’t work out, and you realize I’m not who you want, I need you to know, for however long it lasts, they were the best days of my life.”

Jesus.

“Everything’s gonna work out.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“Agápi mou, I knew you were the woman I was going to marry ten years ago. And in the decade we were apart, that knowledge hasn’t changed. I knew it then, I know it now, and I knew all the times between. So knowing all of that, I know it’s gonna work out. There is no other woman on this planet for me. We’re both gonna fuck up—we weren’t perfect before, we won’t be now. We’re gonna bicker and argue, mainly because I can be an ass. I still leave my clothes on the floor and toothpaste in the sink. That hasn’t changed. I travel a lot for work, sometimes my head is fucked when I get home and I need a day to decompress. But I can promise you, I’ll make it worth it. I’ll give more than I’ll take. I’ll make sure you know how much I love you so you’ll overlook my clothes on the floor and the toothpaste in the sink. I’ll give you my time, my care, and my support. You leave the hard stuff up to me and just believe.

“My shoulders are broad and they’re strong and it’s my turn to protect you. And that is not ego, it’s us being a team. For ten years, you took on the burden of giving me the life I dreamed of having. Though I need you to understand one thing. I get it. I appreciate it. But you forgot something. Being in the Navy, serving my country, being a SEAL was only part of my dream. Being with you, having a family, watching our babies grow, and being your husband was also my dream. So while you gave me half of the life I wanted, you took the other stuff away from me. The important stuff I really wanted. So for the last decade, I’ve been living half a life. It’s time we rectify that.”