Page 83 of Thaddeus

“Out here,” I yelled back.

It was a beautiful morning and I opted to sit outside on the patio while Thad had gone for a run. Unfortunately, our bungalow didn’t have a beachfront view like Brooks’ and Tatiana’s did. However, I couldn’t complain, the palm trees and fish pond I could see weren’t anything to sneeze at. Declan, Kyle, and Max had their own unit on the other side of Brooks and Tatiana. They faced the pool, which I was sure the three men were enjoying, considering there’d been no shortage of bikini-wearing females utilizing the amenities.

By the time Thad had made his way to the patio he’d already taken off his socks and running shoes and much to my annoyance he’d discarded his shirt. This was not because I didn’t appreciate seeing his sculpted chest and washboard abs. It was because I was frustrated. Thad had no issues with his nudity, and for the love of all things holy, he shouldn’t. He was tall, built, and had been blessed with a package that I was absolutely certain other men would be jealous of.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

My gaze travelled up his torso and met his eyes. “Nothing.”

“Why are you frowning?”

“I wasn’t,” I snapped.

“Emerson,” he warned.

I squinted my eyes, not liking the tone in which he said my name.

“Nothing’s wrong, but if you keep saying my name that way something will be.”

“Are you on the—”

“I wouldn’t finish that question, Thaddeus. Not only is it rude, but it’s gonna super piss me off.”

“Super piss you off? Babe, you already look super-pissed. Did something happen while I was gone?”

“No.”

“Then what’s changed? I left you smiling and happy when I went for my run. I get home and now you’re all frowny faced and pissed.”

“Home? Is that what this place is? Your home?”

Now he was glaring at me. I wasn’t sure what’d come over me but now that I was thinking about it, I was a little stressed about how unsettled my life was. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t unsettled, it was completely up in the air. I had nothing. My life had been whittled down to a backpack.

“For now, this is our home.”

“And when Zane is done paying the five-hundred dollar a night fee for The Del? Then what?”

“Zane’s not paying, I am.”

“What? Why would you do that?”

“Because I can afford it. Because it’s nice and peaceful. Because we needed some time for you to get your bearings before we talked about what’s coming next.”

“And what comes next, Thaddeus? Do we spend the next year sleeping next to each other, you not touching me until you figure out if I’m too soiled to make love to?”

Whoa, where had that come from?

What the hell was wrong with me? I was acting like a total bitch and I knew it. Before I could apologize for my out-of-character behavior, Thaddeus started in.

“First, I don’t know where that bullshit came from. Soiled? What the fuck, Emmy? If you’re talking about the last eight years and the men you’ve been with, I don’t give the first fuck about that. No, that’s a fucking lie. I do care. The thought of those scumbags laying a hand on the beauty that is you makes me murderous. They didn’t deserve to look at you, let alone put their filthy hands on you. But that has to do with my jealousy and nothing to do you with you being soiled. And I’m not trying to be a dick here, but we weren’t together for ten years, and during those years, I wasn’t a monk. I have no desire to tell you about the women I’ve taken to my bed except to say, none of them were you, therefore I didn’t feel a goddamn thing for them. That may make me sound like an asshole, but I’m a man, I was upfront, they knew the score. And that was—any interaction would be sex and only sex.”

Thad stopped and took in a deep breath before he continued, “And if you’re talking about the four men you ridded the world of, I really don’t give a fuck about them, or that you did it. And I mean, I don’t care in any sense of the word. They needed to be dealt with, they were scum of the highest order and you did the universe a favor. The only thing I care about in all of that, is how you’re doing with it. If that’s something you need to talk about, I’ll listen. If you feel guilty, I’ll do my best to assuage that guilt. Because again, those four men are not worth your time or remorse.

“As far as me not touching you? That’s bullshit, too. I’ve held you in my arms every night, and before you’ve fallen asleep in them, tucked close, you’ve come on my fingers while I’ve swallowed your moans. But if you’re asking why I haven’t taken us all the way or allowed you to touch me, it has nothing to do with the past and everything to do with the present. I know where I’m at. I know what I want, but I will not make love to you until I know where you’re at.”

“You don’t know where I’m at?” I asked incredulously.

How could he not know?