Page 25 of Redeeming Violet

My brain slowly reengaged but before embarrassment could take hold he kissed me again. This time it was slow and sweet, like we had all the time in the world to explore each other, but we didn’t, and the thought was depressing.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. You?”

Instead of answering, he rolled us to the side, facing each other, and gently brushed an errant strand of hair off my face. His thumb remained on my cheek, gently grazing my skin, the gesture so sweet it made me want to cry. Why was the universe out to get me? In my thirty-two years I’d never found a man I was so physically attracted to, and was good, and brave, and kind. But I could never have him. I was the opposite of everything he was. I knew it and he knew it. I was going away for the rest of my life and he’d find a woman that was his equal. Life sucked. Really, really sucked. I had to remind myself of all the reasons why I’d betrayed my oath, my brother and all the other men and women who would’ve been harmed. In the end, it was worth it.

“Where’d you go?” he asked.

“What happens now?” Instead of answering, I tried to change the subject.

“Now? We lie here awhile before we get up and shower and find something to eat.” He was being daft on purpose; he knew what I meant. Jaxon sighed but hadn’t taken his hand away from my face. “I’ll tell you if you tell me where you just went. I’ve never seen anyone move from lust to deep concentration so quickly. I have to tell you, that’s a pretty big hit to my ego.”

I tried not to smile at his off-handed remark. I appreciated him trying to lessen some of the awkwardness.

“Please. I don’t think I need to worry too much about your ego. You didn’t even have to touch me to make me have an orgasm.”

“Baby, I was touching you. I believe it was my dick that you were grinding on. And I’m pretty certain it was my mouth playing with your sexy as hell tits while you got off.” My cheeks heated at his crass words. No man had ever talked about sex so bluntly before. And to punctuate his words, his hand moved from my face and his finger circled my hardening nipple. “So responsive. Damn Vi, so fucking sexy. I’m kickin’ my own ass for not thinking about throwing a box of condoms in my bag. Who the fuck needs MREs? I’d gladly go without eating if it meant I could have you.”

“Why couldn’t I have met you a year ago?” I blurted out.

“What do you mean?”

“That’s what I was thinking about. Before. That I met you now and I’m days away from being turned over to the Feds.” I realized how presumptuous and stupid I sounded and quickly tried to correct myself. “I mean, not that you’d want to date me or anything.” With each word I spoke, Jaxon started to close down. I should’ve been happy, but it hurt. I didn’t regret a single second of what we’d done, but nothing would ever come of it. It was best that both of us go back to our proverbial corners and stay away from each other. “Never mind. It’s not coming out right. I just meant I’d never been sexually attracted to anyone like this before. Forget I said anything. What happens later today? Are you guys taking me in?”

Jaxon removed his hand from my breast and I was acutely aware of the fact I was half naked. The awkwardness had grown ten-fold and I wished we were not having this conversation with my breasts on display. He must’ve noticed how uncomfortable I was because he pulled the blanket up, muttering he didn’t want me to get cold. The gesture was welcomed, even if it was under false pretenses.

“Zane already told you, you’re staying with us until we can figure out what Manuel is planning. Today the team, or at least Eric and Zane, will come here. The less you’re seen out in public, the better. Manuel has proven he’ll go to great lengths to take you, and we’re not going to let that happen.”

“Do you really think I was Manuel’s target all along? He wants to use me against Declan?”

“Yes. I think everything else was bullshit. He needed something to hold over you. The Siles / Gomez job was just that, a job. I’m sure he took it because it paid well and played into his plan. I don’t think Manuel Ortega cared one way or the other who came out on top and gained control of drug territory they were fighting over. However, I don’t think Manuel was anticipating you sending the conversations to Gomez though. If you hadn’t, we would’ve tracked Gomez and taken him out.”

“You knew I sent Gomez the files?”

I thought I’d covered my tracks well enough. When I sent the recorded telephone conversations between Siles and his men to Gomez I knew it was a gamble. But one I still had to take. Siles had done a good job pinning the kidnapping of Olivia Cox on Gomez. The Gomez family still had a strong hold in the Bolivian gun and drug trade, but sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.

“I didn’t know at the time. But I always wondered how Gomez got the intel. When he came to us and gave us the recordings, he wouldn’t say who sent them, if he even knew. After you mentioned you hadn’t deleted them, it made sense you’d be the one to send them to Gomez. Keeping him in power was the lesser of two evils. I’m finding the more I get to know you, I learn you weigh the options. Your decisions are based on what you believe to be acceptable loss. And your belief is the only acceptable loss of life is your own.”

“So, what now?” I asked, still unsure where I fit in.

“Now we figure out why Ortega is after Declan,” he explained.

“But he knows where he is. That’s what I’ve been trying to explain to you all. I saw the video. Timothy and Manuel have eyes on Declan, always have. That is what they used to get me to cave.”

Why was no one listening to me? If Manuel wanted Declan dead, he’d kill him.

“Violet.” Jaxon started. My heart squeezed when he said my name. I wasn’t Vi or baby - I was back to Violet. “He doesn’t want Declan dead.” His features softened, and his hand went back to my face as if his touch could soften the blow. “This is personal for Ortega. He wants Declan to suffer. Knowing he left his sister unprotected and it is his fault she was being drugged and raped is enough to send Declan over the edge. He’d abandon his post and go in search of you. You’d be moved and hidden any time Declan got close. Ortega would have him by the balls. You are Declan’s weakness.”

“How do you know Declan would feel that way? He didn’t leave me unprotected. He doesn’t even know me,” I rejected the idea.

“Because, baby, that’s how any man would feel if a woman he loved was taken. Doesn’t have to be a man’s wife. A sister, a child, a mother. When the women in a man’s life are threatened, it turns any rational man into a savage. He’d stop at nothing to protect what’s his. A man like Declan? A man like me? The world would be torn to pieces. The havoc Declan would cause while he searched for you would be exactly what Ortega would want. He would be so overcome with anger it would ruin him.”

I would stay locked in the basement of this barn without complaint if it meant Manuel couldn’t find me and torture my brother with images of me being raped.

Chapter Fourteen

Jaxon