Page 53 of Redeeming Violet

“I think you may’ve broken your hand,” he said. “And clean that shit off of you before you see Violet again.”

I looked down at my jungle camos now covered in Ortega’s blood, and inwardly grinned. One less dirty douchebag walking the earth.

“Whiplash, this is Extraction Two, we need exfil and rendezvous one,” Zane called in our ride home. “Let’s get you the fuck home.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Violet

I think there comes a point in every person’s life where their brain says enough, too much, no more, and simply shuts down. I understood Tex, who was a friend of – well everyone – had maneuvered his man, Slade Cutsinger, a former Navy SEAL, to stand in as the man who had bought me. Tex was covering all bases, making sure that if Jaxon and his team didn’t get to me, Cutter would. One way or another, someone would be there to get me. Jasmin had confirmed his story when Cutter called her. I also understood I was safe and on my way to San Diego. Jasmin had assured me Jaxon wasn’t far behind and would be in California to get me.

My brain wouldn’t let me process the events of the day. The grenade. Eric dying. Jaxon pushing me away, not wanting to look at me. It was my fault Eric was dead. None of them would ever forgive me; I would never forgive myself.

“Violet?” Cutter called my name. “You need to drink some more water.”

He pushed another bottle my way.

I looked at the man I once thought was a filthy scumbag and cringed. Since we’d gotten on the plane to fly back to the states, he’d shed the suit in favor of casual clothes and his whole demeanor had changed. His features softened, his eyes were kind, and he’d been exceedingly gentle with me. He, however, couldn’t make himself shrink and even sitting next to him I felt tiny, and his size alone made me nervous.

“Thank…” I cleared my throat and tried again. “Thank you.”

“No need.”

His answer made me think of Jaxon, the anger in his eyes when he looked at me, the disgust. My head pounded either from the stress of the day or from the pain of my heart breaking. There was no use denying it anymore. Sometime between walking into Zane’s penthouse and pushing Jasmin in the closet, I’d fallen in love with Jaxon. Or maybe it was as Manuel hit me and all I needed to do was allow my mind to wander to him and the pain would dull. Only now there was no lessening the ache.

I’d had enough.

“I know you’re not going to believe this now, but you’re going to make it through this,” he said.

“How do you know?” I asked.

“I learned a few things being in the teams,” he started. “A lot actually. The first thing you learn in BUDs is to be mentally tough. Don’t look at the big picture. Take one minute at a time. One singular task. Then another. Micro-events. But the most important thing I learned was nothing lasts forever. Pain is temporary.”

“What if I can’t make it one minute to the next?” I feared he was giving me more credit than I was due. I wasn’t strong enough to get through this.

“Then work on one second at a time. When you realize failure and giving up aren’t options, you’ll find standing up and fighting for what you want is all you have.”

He was giving sound advice for someone that had something to fight for, but I had nothing. Everything I’d been building with Jaxon had been ripped away. The tentative friendship I was forming with Jasmin was now gone as well. I heard the loathing in her voice when I spoke to her.

“There’s nothing left to fight for,” I admitted.

“If you think that, you didn’t see what I saw.”

“Hate? Anger? Despair?” I asked.

Oh yeah, I saw alright. I saw Jaxon look at me with such deep dark revulsion the memory of it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

“Yes, to all of those. However, none were directed toward you.”

I nodded in agreement even though I didn’t agree, I just didn’t want to talk about Jaxon anymore. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I prayed for sleep to come. I desperately needed my mind to turn off.

***

I awoke with a start as the plane touched down with a jolt.

“You’re fine,” Cutter said.

“We’re here?” I asked unnecessarily. “What now? How do I get back to Virginia? I don’t have my ID.”