Page 24 of Recovering Ivy

I shouldered my way past her and didn’t wait for her response. I couldn’t take one more second of the pain in her eyes.

Rejection.

She’d said she knew it well.

Was that what she’d thought I had done? Rejected her? As much as I wanted to explain there was nothing I wanted more than to be in my bed next to her, sheets tangled around us, until we both collapsed hot and sweaty, I wouldn’t.

It was better she thought I’d rejected her.

The last thing either of us needed was me barging into her life bringing more of the shit she’d already had.

No. I walked away.

It was better this way.

10

Ivy

I wish I could say I slept like shit. But I didn’t.

Zane’s bed was soft and his sheets were to die for.

After I’d kicked my own ass for embarrassing myself for trying to flirt with him and failing miserably, I let the memories of the night I’d spent in bed with Zane lull me to sleep.

I felt safe, which was not something I normally felt. I’d usually slept with one eye open, or however the saying went. I learned early on bad shit always seemed to happen in the middle of the night. With a parent who uses drugs, there is no such thing as normal sleeping hours or what time was appropriate for a friend to pop by. Two a.m., two p.m., it was all the same to them. Music, yelling, arguing, fighting, none of it mattered. Not in my house. It also didn’t matter there were two kids in the house. Joey’s dad never tried to shield the girl from anything. Not when she was ten, and not before he took off and left her to live with my mom. I guess he’d had enough of Sarah’s shit and when he hit bricks taking his daughter wasn’t something he’d packed into his car. I tried then to get Joey to leave Sarah’s house and come live with me. She refused.

Joey knew I would put up with a lot, but having drugs near me was a sure-fire way to get me to go ballistic. I’d seen and been around them enough to last five lifetimes. I had zero tolerance for any kind of substance abuse. Right, wrong, or indifferent, that was me. Mentally I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I couldn’t watch my mom continue to choose drugs over me, I couldn’t watch her sell herself, and mostly I couldn’t imagine me turning into her. So I hit the road, too, leaving them both.

Then Joey died.

Maybe I had been wrong. Maybe if I’d tried harder, stayed, forced her to see the light and run far and fast from that life, she’d still be alive.

Or maybe I was fooling myself into believing I had some superpower that would’ve made Joey clean her life up.

“Ivy?” Zane’s voice pulled me back to the present.

I was sitting in the conference room again. Declan, Lincoln, and Colin were all in the room, too. Jaxon, Leo, and a very pregnant Jasmin had come in then left when Zane barked orders for them to pull more information on Forester.

When I scolded him about his rude, short temper, Jasmin weirdly muttered “finally” before she left the room. Jaxon and Leo must’ve thought what she’d said was funny because both men let out a belly laugh before they followed her out of the room. The one person that didn’t find humor in her comment was Zane. If it was possible, the scowl on his face deepened.

He’d been scowling because I had filled him in on what I knew about Forester. The one thing his investigation had not turned up was the drugs. I was ninety percent sure he was manufacturing and selling, but I couldn’t prove it. That was why I needed more time. I had his routine down. But I’d yet to find a way to break into his house to have a look around. I could’ve gone the easy route and flirted with him until he invited me over, but the mere thought of having to speak to the man more than I already had to made bile rise in my throat.

If he tried to touch me, there was no telling what I’d say or do. I didn’t have the disposition to play the game. I would’ve resorted to physical violence if he even reached to touch me. So that was not an option.

“Sorry I missed what you said,” I replied.

“Garrett emailed Forester explaining you were ill and taking today off. But I’d like him to send in your letter of resignation today as well. The sooner the better.”

“I’ve already explained this to you. I need the job. Forget everything with Forester. I need the paycheck. Some of us don’t live in penthouses - I live paycheck to paycheck.”

I threw the last part in just to be a bitch. Partially because I was embarrassed to have to admit again how poor I was and the other part, Zane was being a pushy prick about me quitting my job.

“How attached are you to your apartment?” Declan asked.

“What do you mean? I’m a hundred percent attached to having a roof over my head if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No.” He chuckled. Glad I could amuse someone today, because Zane sure didn’t look like I’d tickled his funny bone. “I mean, the location. I have a spare bedroom in the condo I rented. I still don’t have much furniture so you could…”