Page 52 of Recovering Ivy

“Come with me,” he whispered, his voiced laced with emotion.

I didn’t know what had changed Zane’s mind about me or us or wanting to have a relationship, but I was grateful. He was giving me everything I never knew I wanted.

“Baby,” I breathed as heat consumed my body.

“Ivy,” he moaned. He planted himself deep and his dick jerked inside of me as he released. It’s weird to think that the very act I’d always thought was a weapon could bring me so much peace.

“What is it about you that makes me lose my head?” he asked, his face buried in my neck.

I didn’t know how to answer his question so instead I tightened my legs around his waist and moved my hands over his sweat-covered back, loving the way his hard muscles flexed as I touched him. No, I couldn’t answer him, not when I was wondering the same thing. I wanted to worship his body and get lost in his promise. I desperately wanted to believe him, have faith in his strength, trust he was the man he said he was. Was it possible to push the past away? Could Zane make me forget?

“Where’d you go?” Zane asked. I was so lost in thought I hadn’t noticed he was now staring down at me, concern etched on his handsome face.

“Why me?” I blurted.

That was the question that had plagued my mind. Why would this big, strong man break his rules for gutter trash like me? He could have any woman he wanted, someone clean. Someone without a drug addict for a mother and a life so full of demons they choke me at night. Most nights I fell asleep wishing I’d never wake up from the nightmare I lived.

“Baby,” he whispered and pushed a lock of matted hair off my face.

He was so fucking sweet. The tough impregnable man he showed the world was sexy and scary and sent me into a fit of lust. But this side? The soft, sweet man was absolutely irresistible. I’d do anything for him when he tore his mask away and allowed me to see the real him, the side he kept hidden from the world.

“I’m serious. Look at you. I know women fall over themselves to get you. You could have anyone. A beautiful, smart, clean woman. Someone who had something to offer you. Someone with staying power. A woman who is your equal.”

“Ivy, I want you to listen to me very carefully. I will not tolerate you talking badly about yourself, not even the implication of it. You are all those things – smart, beautiful, clean. But you are also strong, sassy, sexy, resourceful, and independent to name a few. You will never be my equal; the scale will always be tipped in your favor. Your goodness and light will always outshine my darkness.”

I hated he thought he had a dark soul.

“Stop saying that. There is nothing dark about being protective of the ones you love.”

He rolled us to the side, turning me away from him so he was pressed tight against my back. When he started speaking, I hated I couldn’t see his face. Even more, I hated he was hiding from me.

“I am not a good man, babe. Don’t make the mistake of convincing yourself I do the things I do in the name of love.” His voice was low and menacing and the vibration against my neck sent chills down my arms. “I hunt humans, the worst men this world has to offer, and when I find them, I dispatch them to hell. There’s nothing pretty about it. Flowery words like honor and sacrifice do not make me any less of a murderer. The government might sanction it, manmade laws may exonerate me, but nothing can absolve my sins against God’s rules. They are forever tattooed on my soul, carved into my heart, and there’s not a damn thing I can do to remove them. Don’t think I wasn’t serious when I told that bitch of a woman I would put a bullet in her head if she ever spoke to you again. I will, and when I’m done I will walk away with no remorse. You are the one who needs to decide if you can accept me for the man I am and not excuse my behavior.”

“I don’t believe you.” Zane flinched, and I quickly continued. “I don’t believe you’re not a good man. I know you are because you do feel guilt and remorse. You feel them deep and wear them for anyone to see. You are not a cold-blooded killer. You sacrifice your own personal well-being so others don’t have to. You are not dark or condemned. You are blessed with courage and valor; bravery most men don’t possess. You don’t like hearing me talk bad about myself? Well, right back at you. I don’t want to hear you say those things again or I might bend you over my knee and paddle your fine ass.”

His body had relaxed and was now shaking with his laughter.

“Baby, I’d like to see you try.”

“Don’t tempt me, Zane Lewis. I’m stronger than you think. I can figure-four leg lock you and spank you so fast you won’t know what’s happened. I’ve got skills.”

“Skills, huh?”

“Oh, yeah, mad skills,” I teased.

“Do any of those skills involve your mouth?” he asked and kissed the side of my neck, making me forget all about killing and spanking.

“Maybe you should roll over and we’ll find out.” I wiggled my ass against his now-hard dick and a thrill rolled over my body. “And prepare to have your mind blown.”

“It’s not my mind I want blown.”

“Then stop talking and roll over.”

He moved to his back and I crawled over him, straddling his thighs, gazing over the beauty that was Zane. My hands went to his chest and I sucked in a breath when I saw him smile. He was devastatingly handsome when he let go of the perpetual scowl he wore.

“You know, it’s a good thing you don’t smile more,” I mused.

“Why’s that?”