Page 37 of Rescuing Erin

“He has a wife and kids.”

“He does.”

“He’ll never see them again.”

“He won’t.”

“Colin!”

“What?”

“We’re talking about a man’s life. His wife and kids will never see him again. Don’t you feel . . . I don’t know . . . something?”

Colin set his cup down on the counter, took mine out of my hand and placed it next to his. He picked me up as if I weighed nothing, plopped me on the granite countertop, and stepped between my legs.

“The only thing I feel is relief.”

“Relief?”

“Something you need to understand about me, Erin. I’m not a nice man. Not when it comes to the safety and well-being of those I love. I give zero fucks what happens to him. If it were up to me, he’d have a bullet in his forehead and no one would have to worry about feeding him for the rest of his miserable life. And if he cared about his wife and children, he would’ve thought twice about what he was planning. He knew what the repercussions were for plotting against the FDOUS. He still stalked you, terrified you, tried to kidnap you, and when that didn’t work his cronies tried to kill you. So, sunshine, the only thing I wish was different is that it was me standing in front of him right now extracting information. Instead, my team gets the pleasure. Do not forget, Greenwold is a traitor.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

And I didn’t. I should’ve been afraid of the look on Colin’s face and the fact he admitted he could easily kill a man. But I wasn’t, I felt oddly safe.

“Nothing to say. But you’re going to have to make a choice. This is my life. This is who I am and what I do. The government contracts me to take out the worst of the worst. The terrorists, traffickers, scumbags, and the horrible men and women our country doesn’t want the good citizens to know about. This is me, Erin, a contract killer. You need to decide if that’s something you can live with. I can’t change who I am and what I’ve done.”

“I don’t want you to change.”

“It’s easy to say that standing here with me in front of you. It will be something else entirely when I’m called out of your bed in the middle of the night and sent off to places unknown. There will be a lot I’ll never be able to tell you. I may be gone a day, or a week, or a month. You’ll never know the where, the who, or the why, but you can be sure when I return, I’ll do so with blood on my hands.”

“Your job is important. You protect people. I know you can’t tell me the specifics of what you do. I’ve learned a lot in my seven years living in the White House. I understand operational security. And I would never ask you to compromise a mission. But you have to understand, I’m stronger than you think. For the record; you don’t come home with blood on your hands. You come home a hero—”

“Don’t make me out to be something I’m not.”

I moved my hands from his shoulders up to his face and rested them on his cheeks, taking a moment to choose my next words carefully. “I know you don’t think of yourself as a hero. Less than one percent of the US population has served in the military. Of that, less than thirty percent has seen combat. That makes you part of a very special group of men and women who have put themselves in harm’s way for this country. Breaking that down further, I’d guess that of those thirty percent, only a handful purposefully and gladly would continue to do so, simply because they are needed. There is no glory in your job. No awards or accolades. It’s thankless and dangerous, and you do it because someone has to. You answer a call not many are brave enough to. That is a hero. I won’t lie to you, it scares me. I saw a very minute part of what you do in the car last week. I was so terrified when we were being shot at, I couldn’t think straight, but not you. You handled it like it was no big deal, an easy day for you. So, I get it. There will be secrets between us. Time will separate us, and danger will be a part of our lives. But if, at the end of the day, that means I get you, I’m okay with it. All of it.”

He didn’t look like he believed me. His eyes bore into mine, searching for some discrepancy or indecisiveness. He wouldn’t find any. There was no hesitation on my part. I could handle his job, all I needed was for him to give me a chance to prove it.

“If it gets to be too much, I need you to promise to tell me. I couldn’t live with myself if what I do makes you unhappy or—”

“I promise. When have I ever kept my mouth shut?”

His cheeks moved under my hands, and I both felt and saw his smile.

“Okay. Are you hungry?”

“I’m not. But I’ll make you something if you are.”

“Nope. Keep your ass planted right where you are, and I’ll make myself something.”

And that’s what I did. I stayed sitting on the counter and watched him move around the kitchen.

“How’s Olivia doing?”

Colin’s head whipped around, and his eyes widened. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised by the look of shock on his face. For months, I’d avoided any conversation that involved Olivia and had gone out of my way to not to see her.

“She’s doing great. She and Leo are ecstatic the baby will be here soon.”