Page 81 of Kyle

I wasn’t mad, I was furious. And not only that, I was fucking scared and I didn’t do scared. I’d gone into plenty of missions with my balls in my gut, but never had I been scared.

But then, I’d never sent the woman I loved to interrogate an unknown source before, either. We had no clue if Monica was a victim. It didn’t matter how much Emerson and Anaya had proclaimed she was, until the woman was properly examined and vetted, as far as I was concerned, she was an accomplice.

“Anaya—”

“Don’t snap at me.” Anaya’s hand went to her hip and her face turned hard. “Do you know why I’m not scared?”

“That’s the problem. You should be scared, yet you’re treating this like it’s a quiet stroll in the park.”

“I’m not scared,” she sighed. “Because I trust you. I trust your team. Myles will be with us, then Jeremy. All we have to do is talk with Monica and wait for you, Thad, and Declan to pick us up and bring us home. You’re the one that’s going into harm’s way. Not me. And you can’t be worried about what I’m doing and concentrate on your job. So stop worrying.”

She was fucking crazy if she thought that was happening.

“What can I do to make this easier for you?” she asked softly.

“Stay here and go on lockdown with everyone else.”

Her jaw twitched and her shoulders slumped.

“Fine. Call Zane.”

Wait. What the fuck just happened?

And why did I feel like such a dick for even asking, and an even bigger one that she’d agreed?

“What?”

“Okay, fine. If this is what you need so you can go on your mission and focus so you don’t get yourself killed and you come home to me, I’ll go on lockdown.”

Goddamn, I was prick. She’d do it. She’d give me what I needed even if it meant giving up something she felt she had to do.

“Come here, sweetheart.”

Anaya closed the distance and I abandoned my gear, pulling her into my arms when she came close.

“I’m sorry for being an asshole. The last time I let you out of my sight, you were taken and beaten. I can’t get the image out of my head. It’s not fair to you or to the operation but there it is. I’m scared as hell to leave you.”

“I get it,” she mumbled against my chest. “I’m scared, too. Not for myself but for you. I need you to come home to me.”

Did my idiocy ever end? I hadn’t even asked her how she was feeling about me leaving. The thought hadn’t crossed my mind that she’d be worried about me.

“Never had anyone waiting for me to come home before.”

“Well, now you do.”

“Now I do,” I repeated.

We stood in the middle of the basement. Anaya in my arms and my eyes glued to the bed we’d shared for two weeks. A bed where I’d made love to her in a variety of ways, where she’d fallen asleep in my arms, where she’d whispered her secrets to me. A place where I could feel her soul starting to heal.

It felt longer than a few weeks. Much longer. I couldn’t remember a time she hadn’t been in my life and I didn’t want to imagine a time when she wasn’t. Or worse, a time when she wouldn’t be.

My arms flexed around her and I sighed. “Please promise me you’ll be safe. You and Emerson will stick together. And if something feels off, the two of you leave. Zane, Jax, Garrett, and Tex will be here if you need them.”

“I promise.” Anaya’s voice was full of surprise and happiness.

Damn.

I didn’t want her to go. But I couldn’t allow my insecurities to roll over onto her. She was finally coming into herself. Each day she opened herself up and her spirit shined through. I couldn’t snuff it out.