Page 24 of Playing With Forever

“Um, yeah, no, I didn’t know that’s what that meant. I thought it was just a night-time lady friend. You know, a Saturday night fun-time girl, not the kind you took to breakfast.”

My heart shriveled a bit at the knowledge that she knew the difference. I shoved that aside right along with my lecture that she was never to lower her standards to be the fun-time girl, and always demand the respect of any guy she was with.

“Anyway, I think you being a cop, paying for sex is frowned upon.”

I was stunned speechless. I was also fighting the urge to throw up.

“Lindy—”

“Jeez, Dad, lighten up, I’m teasing. But I’m not joking about being happy you’re going out on a date. It’s about time. One day, I’ll be gone, and it would suck for you to be in this house all by yourself.”

Yep, I was feeling sick to my stomach. The last thing I wanted to talk about was my sex life with my daughter; the thing right below that was her moving out to start her life without me.

“There’s no rush for you to move out,” I reminded her.

“I know, Dad. But one day, I will. And I don’t want to do that leaving you to live in this house all by yourself. Actually, it would break my heart after everything you gave up to keep me if you ended up alone.”

A band wrapped around my heart and squeezed.

“I didn’t give up a goddamn thing, Lindy. I love you. You are not a burden or a responsibility—you’re my daughter.”

All the happiness and teasing bled from her face. All traces of the young woman she was morphed into exactly what Josie had said she was—wise beyond her years. And if her expression didn’t convey the change, her words did.

“I know I’m not a burden, but that doesn’t negate the fact that you gave up a lot to be my only parent. To say that’s not true would be to devalue you as a father. Every parent, at some point in the raising of their children, will have to sacrifice for them. It’s just that you sacrificed more than most because after Celeste left, it was up to you to raise me without help.

“I know what you gave up, Dad. And part of what you did was have a private life or any life that didn’t include me being front and center. You gave me a good life. I never wanted for anything, and that included your attention. There are no words for how much I appreciate what you gave, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you enough to recognize what you gave up.

“I’m twenty, not five. I suppose I will always need my dad, but I don’t need you the way I did ten years ago or even five. You not only deserve to have a life, but you need one.”

Lindy paused and scrunched her nose and if she hadn’t already shaken me to my core, she would with her next declaration.

“I want to hate her,” she started in a whisper. “For what she did to us. But I can’t because what she gave me by leaving outweighs anything she could’ve given me by staying. I just feel sorry for her. She lost us. But she gave us the life we have, and for that, I’m grateful.”

It would seem I’d fucked up in a multitude of ways with my daughter—the first being not making sure I’d inserted safe females into her life to fill a void I could never fill. The second, and arguably more of a fuck up, I’d missed her turning into a woman who was wise and independent and no longer needed me to shelter her from the world, only to further hinder her growth.

“As long as you never question how much I love you, how proud I am to be your dad, and how grateful I am to have you.”

Back was my playful girl.

“Duh, I’m awesome. How could you not be grateful to spend time in the presence of such awesomeness?”

I gave her that play, knowing she needed to shed the heavy.

“Right. So I take it you’re good with me going out with Josie?”

“More than good. She’s amazing. I can’t wait until she comes over for dinner again, and not just because she promised to teach me how to make sunflower seed bread.”

Forty-eight hours ago, hearing Lindy tell me that she found a woman amazing would’ve sent me into a panic attack. Hell, if it was anyone but Josie she was talking about, I’d be drenched in sweat and hustling to find a way to disconnect the woman from my daughter.

Even though the panic wasn’t choking me, I still had to manage Lindy’s expectations.

“Listen, Josie and I are just feeling our way through this. It might not turn into anything⁠—”

“Oh my God, I don’t need the talk that parents give their children where they tell them not to get attached in case it doesn’t work out. Josie’s awesome. I can’t wait to start helping out at the center. I liked having her over for dinner not only because she makes fabulous chocolate chip sour cream Bundt cake. I liked her here because you seemed happy she was around. But I’m not expecting you to marry her next week and give me a step-mom.”

Step-mom.

Good Christ.