Page 18 of Chasing Honor

“What was that thought, boy?” My dad’s tone caught me off guard. “You’re my son. I’m allowed to worry about you. But don’t you think for one second, I’m not proud as fuck you became a cop. Do not question your decision.”

“You got all that from one look?”

“No. From twenty-four years of looks. There are a few things in life I’m good at. One is knowing my sons and what they’re thinking before they do. The other, and maybe more important, is I know my wife and how to—”

“La la la. Do not finish that sentence.” I looked around not seeing my daughter. “Carson. Come on.”

“In a hurry?

“Yeah. I have a headache from hell and I’m hungry.”

“I bet you are,” he muttered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I made the mistake of asking. The thing about Carter Lenox was, he didn’t pull punches. He was a straight-shooter, even with his sons.

“It means, after all these years, there’s a pretty woman in your house.”

“And?”

“Son, if I have to spell it out for you then it has been longer for you than I feared.”

“She’s renting a room. Period. And she’s met Carson, so that’s a double strike. She’s a no-go.”

“Since when did you start lying to your old man? And did you miss the part about me knowing what you’re thinking before you do?”

I sighed and resigned myself to an uncomfortable conversation with my dad. I don’t think we’d discussed my sex life since I was sixteen and told them a condom had broken and Chrissy was pregnant. I was happy with that; not discussing sex with my dad was a good thing.

“Fine, she’s pretty. And the thought has crossed my mind.” My dad chuckled, and I added, “A lot. I’ve thought about it a lot, but it doesn’t change anything. I have to keep my distance. Carson—”

“Carson is and always will be fine. Stop using her as a shield and an excuse to stop living.”

I was floored at my dad’s accusation. “I don’t use my daughter.”

“Sure you do. How many women have you dated since she was born?”

“None. I was busy being a teenage dad and then a single dad with a career,” I spat out.

“Right. How many women have you slept with?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” He gestured for me to answer, pissing me off even more. “I don’t know. I haven’t kept track. A few.”

“Any of those women interest you for more than a roll?”

“No.”

“Why do you think that is?”

Christ. Where was he going with this? If I’d thought I had a headache when I’d, arrived I now had an elephant sitting on my skull.

“No clue. Maybe I just wanted to blow off some steam and get laid. Your point?”

“No point. An observation. Wake up, the years are passing you by. Do you want to continue having meaningless fucks twice a year or do you want to be happy?”

“I am happy.” What the fuck?

“No, you’re content. You love Carson beyond measure. You’re an excellent dad. You have a good family. But you’ve never known bone-deep, soul-consuming love. I know that to be a fact. Because, son, when you find that, you don’t let it go. You hold on to it, you fight for it, you nurture it, and you wrap yourself up in it until there’s no beginning or end to it. Then you’ll be happy.”

“Not everyone has what you and Mom have,” I reminded him.