Page 58 of Chasing Honor

“You had your family. My parents told me they’d disown me, I wouldn’t have had any help.”

“Bullshit. I asked you to marry me. I offered you a way to keep her. You knew damn well my parents would’ve never turned their backs on us. We could’ve made it work. But that’s not what you wanted.”

The tiniest part of me felt bad for her. I couldn’t imagine what she’d felt all these years, knowing she had a daughter she’d never know. That was one of the many reasons I couldn’t have given Carson up for adoption. I wouldn’t have been able to live knowing my daughter was out there somewhere.

“What do you want, Chrissy?”

“I want to see her.” She was still crying, as a matter of fact, she looked like she’d been crying before I’d even opened the door.

“Why?”

“I just want to see what she looks like.”

“And then what?”

“I’ll go back to California.”

The empathy I’d felt for her quickly dissipated. It wasn’t bad enough she’d left Carson once, now she was willing to do it again. Only this time it would have lasting implications.

“Are you fucking serious? Anywhere in your thought process did you think about Carson? What it would mean for her if she saw you?”

“Of course. I thought she’d like to know who her mom is.”

“Jesus H. Christ. Really? Never gonna happen, Chrissy, go home.”

“I came all this way, and you won’t let me see her? Why not?”

“The fact I have to explain this to you is the very reason I won’t let you see her.”

“Why are you being so unreasonable?”

I thought I was being perfectly reasonable. I was standing outside having a conversation rather than just slamming the door in her face like I should’ve.

“Do you have children?”

“No.”

“Right. I figured, because if you were a mother you wouldn’t be standing on my porch on a Sunday morning asking if you can just see her then leave and go on your merry way without a care or concern what it would do to her after you left. The questions she’d have, the abandonment she’d feel, the hurt. No, if you were a mother, you’d understand how incredibly selfish you’re being.”

“I have a right to see her.”

“No, you don’t. You signed that away. And, had you’d started this conversation differently, I would’ve at least entertained the idea of you meeting Carson. But she’s not an object you look at, ooh and ah over how pretty it is, and then set back on the shelf and leave it. Don’t come back here, Chrissy, you won’t like what happens next.”

“Please!”

“I’m serious, Chrissy. Leave. Go back to your life and don’t ever knock on my door again.”

“I can’t. I wonder about her. Is she okay? Is she happy? Does she miss me?”

I took a deep cleansing breath and looked at the woman in front of me. Christina was very different from the carefree Chrissy I’d been infatuated with. She was still a beautiful woman, but the brightness had dimmed. I didn’t know from what and I didn’t care enough to ask. There had been a time when I would’ve pulled her into my arms and comforted her. However, she’d killed any of those feeling when she shut me out after she told me she was pregnant. A little over eight-years ago I’d asked her to marry me and now I felt nothing for her.

I wondered if it would’ve gone differently if she’d knocked on my door before I’d met Honor. Would I have been more receptive to Chrissy showing up? Hell to the no, I would’ve been doing the same thing, telling her to pound the pavement and never darken my door again.

“She’s happy. She’s loved. She has a good life and a large, adoring family. She wants for nothing, emotionally or otherwise. That’s all you need to know.”

“If you change your mind, I’m staying a few days.”

“I won’t.”