Page 72 of Chasing Honor

It amazed me my uncle could read me so well. He knew I was struggling about what to do with the information Chrissy had provided. I wanted to be the one to nail the son of a bitch that had run Honor off the road. But he was right, Honor and Carson needed me.

“I’m going to leave. Would it be okay if I came back to check on Honor before I fly back to California?” Chrissy asked. Now, what the fuck was I supposed to say to that? My first reaction was fuck no, I didn’t want her anywhere near us. But I was torn. It all came back to Chrissy having saved Honor. “You don’t have to answer now. I’ll leave my number at the nurse’s station. I’ll come by when Carson’s not here, if it’s okay with you and Honor.”

She started for the door and guilt slammed into my chest. As much as I wanted to let her walk out the door and never see her again, I couldn’t. I wanted to, really, really wanted to but . . . there was always a but wasn’t there?

“Let me talk to Honor and see what she says.”

“Thanks.”

“Thank you for . . .” I choked back the emotion, not wanting to lose it in front of her.

“No need. I’ll write everything down for you and leave it with the nurse.”

“You saved her life, Chrissy. There is a need. If you hadn’t been there, I doubt she would’ve made it to the hospital alive. Listen,” I paused and did something I never imagined myself doing, giving Chrissy want she wanted. “Before you leave would you like to sit and talk to Carson for a while?” Fuck, it pained me to offer, but I was stuck. If she hadn’t been there, I would’ve lost Honor. I was trapped in a shit sandwich. I’d have a lot to explain to Carson, but I’d rather that than being plagued by guilt for the rest of my life.

“No.” Chrissy didn’t try to hide her tears, she let them flow freely down her cheeks. “I thought about what you said, and you were right. I was being selfish.” She took a tentative step toward me but stopped before she was too close. “That’s why I was following them. If I could see Carson from a distance, she’d never see me. She’s so beautiful, she looks just like you when she smiles. Thank you for keeping her and giving her a good life when I couldn’t. You’re a great dad, Ethan. There was never a doubt in my mind you’d take good care of her.

“I’m sorry. I promised you I’d never disrupt your life but I did. Today when I saw her, really saw her, I knew I’d made the right choice. Something that was stirring around in my heart was laid to rest. I knew she belonged to you, she always has.”

“Was there something I could’ve said or done back then to make you stay?” God, I hated asking her that question, but I had to know.

“Nothing would’ve made me stay. You know how some girls grow up and dream about their weddings and having babies? That was never me. I knew I’d never be mother material. Even now, Ethan, I don’t want children. Damn, that makes me sound heartless, but I’m just not that person.”

“Not heartless—honest,” I corrected

The door creaked open and a doctor walked in. “Honor Sullivan’s family?”

“Here.” I stepped forward.

“We’ve moved her to recovery. If you’d like to walk with me, I’ll explain the procedure as I take you to her room.”

“I’ll tell your mom. We’ll watch Carson,” my dad told me.

“Thanks.”

The doctor immediately started running through the list of injuries Honor had sustained. The only issue that Chrissy had not addressed was Honor’s right ankle. The paramedic had thought it was a possible fracture, but it turned out to just be bruised. That was one less thing for her to recover from.

I stepped into Honor’s room and ignored the beeping and whirring of all the machines and went to her side. All the fears I’d had about Chrissy had been wiped clean and the self-doubt I’d had was finally behind me. Nothing mattered in that moment but Honor. I need her to wake up so I could beg her to forgive me.

“Hey, smalls. You ready to wake up yet?” The doctor told me it could take a few hours before the anesthesia wore off and she was coherent enough to carry on a conversation or it could only take minutes. Every patient was different.

I pulled a chair close and picked up one of her small, cold hands in mine and brought it to my lips, kissing her fingers. Thank God she was alive. Seeing her broken and near dead was something I never wanted to experience again. It’d also made me contemplate the last few days, and how I’d behaved. Never again would I shut her out. I took in the bruises on her face and the stitches on her forehead near her hairline and was relieved. The angry purple marks would fade, her ankle would heal, so would the scrapes on her leg. I could only hope the hurt I’d caused would too.

“I’m so sorry Honor.” I kissed her knuckles again wishing I could climb into the bed next to her and hold her. “So damn sorry for being such an asshole. I didn’t mean any of what I said. I promise. I was a coward and let fear take over. I don’t ever want to slow down. I don’t want you to move out. Baby, I need you to wake up. I miss you so much. Carson misses you, too. She needs you. We both do. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

I rested my forehead on her hand and listened to the constant rhythm of her heart. Thank God it was beating.

Honor would be okay. She had to be. My life didn’t work if she wasn’t in it.

21

I slowly awoke and lay there a moment, disoriented and trying to figure out what had happened and where I was. The first thing I noticed was the unmistakable smell of a hospital. Antiseptic and bleach. The next were the sounds. Beeping, swooshing, and buzzing. Even as faint as it was, the hum hurt my head. I wanted to go back to sleep.

“Please, Honor, wake up. Let me see those pretty eyes.”

“Ethan?” I croaked.

“I’m right here, smalls. Can you open your eyes?”