Page 30 of Saving Meadow

“Mike and I were just talking about security feeds at the bars being deleted,” I explained.

“What about them?”

“Can you pull where the bars stored their feeds? I’m looking for crossovers on any cloud servers.”

“Sure. It will take me about an hour. If I remember, all but two used offsite storage.”

“Thanks. ‘Preciate it.” Kristy hurried off in the direction of Kilby’s office, and I turned back to Mike. “How are your girls?”

“Doing okay. Janey is taking it the hardest. She called last night to complain about Donna’s new man. She graduates high school in a month and wants to come live with me over the summer before she leaves for college. I told her I’d love that; Donna pitched a fit. Once Catherine and Victoria heard the idea they wanted to come too, which led to the conversation about living with me during the week and staying with their mom on the weekends, to which Donna went postal and told the girls over her dead body.”

“Shit Mike. That’d be great, the girls living with you,” I told him.

“It would. I’d love it. But the truth is.” Mike stopped and looked at the ground and shook his head. “Donna might be a lot of things - a cheating bitch being one of them, but she’s a good mom. I know the girls are upset about the divorce. However, I don’t want them to lose their mom. They’ve always been tight; they’re teenage girls, they’re gonna need her more and more. Not that they don’t need me, but their momma is important. And trying to talk to Donna about the fact that her bringing a man around so soon is upsetting her girls is like talking to a brick wall. All she says is I’m jealous, then breaks out into a tirade of how I wronged her and all the things I didn’t give her, making everything my fault. I’m at a loss man. There’s no reasoning with the woman.”

“You’re a good dad.”

“I’d cut my arms off for those girls. From the minute Janey was placed in my arms, I knew my world had changed. There was this little girl that needed me for everything. Having kids is life changing man.”

I knew Mike was right. I’d watched all my uncles have kids; I’d seen first-hand how a tiny baby could bring the toughest man to his knees. I’d never thought about having kids of my own, not in any real way. Sure, I wanted them and figured one day I’d have them. But until Meadow, I’d never considered what that would be like, and biologically she couldn’t have any. I’d told her about Nolan and Reagan raising me, and I wouldn’t mind adoption. The words flew out without thought as soon as I saw her pain. However, as I laid in bed that night, I really considered what that would mean - not having a child of my own. The thought stung. The more I contemplated, I realized that was Meadow’s reality, and awareness kicked in. My heart ached for her. The way she told me she couldn’t have kids, with her eyes screwed shut like she couldn’t bear to have them open when she said the words, told me she’d wanted children. Not being able to have beautiful daughters with shiny red hair and green eyes made my insides hurt. However, I knew deep down, if I could convince her to take a chance with me, and Meadow and I went the distance, there was a child out there that needed us. A child I would welcome and love.

“I guess it would be.”

“I’m gonna run some of the doctors Joel and Ben found. You wanna grab some lunch in a few?”

“Another time? I’m gonna call Meadow and see if she wants to meet.”

“Ah, yes, the beautiful Meadow. How’d dinner go last night?”

Suddenly, gossiping like teenagers became more important than his reports. He sat on the corner of my desk waiting for details.

“I don’t know where to begin. It was eye-opening. I knew it was going to be an uphill battle getting close to her, but man, I didn’t expect World War three. She had some bullshit in her head about being filler,” I explained.

I was getting pissed all over again. After I left Meadow’s last night with a kiss and a promise to call soon, I replayed her words over and over. Filler? What the fuck.

“What the fuck is filler?” he asked, just as confused as I was when she told me.

“She says fillers are the women who men find when they’ve had enough sleeping around but aren’t ready to get married.” Mike chuckled. “What’s funny.”

“I’ve never thought about it that way, but she’s not wrong.”

“What the fuck! Meadow is not filler.”

“No, not Meadow. I get that. All I’m saying is I understand her logic.”

“I do too,” Joel added, joining our conversation. Christ. Were these two insane? There was no such thing as filler. I took a breath, trying to lower my blood pressure when Joel spoke. “I’m not saying her logic isn’t fucked up. No woman should ever call themselves filler, but I can track her thinking. Remember when I told you I knew Ellie was the woman I was going to marry the minute I saw her?”

“Yeah, but you waited two years to ask her out,” I answered.

“Right. Do you think I was a monk for two years? I wasn’t. I still dated, still slept around. I’m not bragging and not proud of what I did, but I was young. I knew myself, and I wasn’t ready for a long-term commitment. In the two years I dated other women, I knew I’d never fall in love with them, I would never offer them anything more than a few months. I already knew Ellie was it for me. I simply wasn’t ready for her.”

I thought about what Joel said, and I could understand what he was saying, but it was still jacked.

“So, you fucked other women knowing that the woman you wanted to spend your life with was right in front of you?”

“Yep. I knew I needed to get all the childish bullshit out of my system before I could go to Ellie as a man, not a boy. I was still at frat parties every weekend. I had to finish school, and yes, I had to sleep with other women. I’m not saying I was some sleazeball, but there were a few. If I hadn’t grown up and waited, I knew I’d wonder if I was losing out on the college experience, or if there was something I was missing. I know myself. I needed to be the man she needed because she deserved nothing less. Ellie is… everything. I never stopped watching and waiting.”

“Quite the chance you took. Ellie is a beautiful woman. You’re lucky someone else didn’t scoop her up,” Mike laughed.