Page 67 of Maximus

“And what loss is that, Declan?”

“The kind that eats you alive—every single day it gnaws itself deeper. The kind that never goes away. A version of what lives inside of you and colors your world. You think every person is out to get you, when in reality the only person who’s preventing you from living a life that doesn’t include you putting everybody around you through a series of tests before you let them in even a fraction is you.”

Declan moved toward the sliding glass door but stopped before he opened it.

“I’m not going to insult you by asking you twice, but if you need to take a step back to get your head sorted, I can—”

“I’m good,” I bit out.

“Right. Then I’m gonna do a walk-through of the neighborhood.”

Declan let himself into the house but I didn’t move.

I needed a minute to clear my thoughts.

I should’ve been thinking about the Omni case and the new intel that had come in while I was in Florida—but I wasn’t. The next best thing would’ve been to figure out what the hell was going on with Eva and why I was drawn to her—but I wasn’t doing that, either.

Instead, I stood alone in the darkness and thought about what Dec had said about me testing those around me—and damn if he wasn’t right. I did do that. I did it to protect myself because he’d also been correct when he accused me of thinking everyone was out to get me.

But everyone was, weren’t they?

Everyone had an agenda, even me. Some were more fucked-up than others but everyone was using someone to get what they wanted.

The question was, what was Eva using me for?

What was it that she wanted?

And an even bigger question was, what was it I was using her to get?

Chapter 19

“Is that what you’re doing with Eva? Burying your problems for a few hours?”

“Maybe. But Eva is not Autumn—not even close. Autumn means something to this team. She means something to me.”

So, I’d overheard Max and Declan talking.

Eva is not Autumn.

Autumn means something to me.

I’d hurried Liam back into the bedroom after I found a bottle of water in the kitchen, which incidentally was where I was when I heard Max telling Declan that I didn’t mean anything to him. And after that, I tossed and turned all night, falling into spells of sleep, then I’d wake up and it would start all over again. Me replaying what Max had said until the sun started spilling through the window.

Now I was up and I still couldn’t stop thinking about it.

All that shit he’d said to me on the drive was just that—shit.

He was a liar.

But I couldn’t understand why he’d lie.

Why would he say he wished he could be the man to give me the life he thought I wanted if I didn’t mean anything to him?

But you aren’t that, Eva, you’re a fuck of a lot more.

I guess more than strangers wasn’t much.

Giving up on going back to sleep and not wanting to wake Liam and Eli, I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could and made my way into the kitchen.