Page 69 of Maximus

“And I’m supposed to believe that? I heard you tell him that woman meant something to you, and I didn’t.”

“Yeah, Eva, you are, because it’s the truth. And you didn’t hear me tell Dec you don’t mean something to me,” he returned. “You heard me tell him that you’re not Autumn. Which, given the opportunity, I would’ve explained all the ways you are not her—two of the most important ones are: you aren’t the sister-in-law of one of my teammates. The other is, you weren’t kidnapped, sold into the sex trade, forced into a life that led you to have sex with men against your will, then compelled you to live years seeking vengeance.

“And I would’ve told you that Autumn Pierce means something to me because she saved Declan’s life. But what that something is, is not romantic; it’s not attraction, it’s gratitude. But again, you didn’t give me that chance, you made assumptions—ones that were incorrect and turned your bullshit around onto me.”

Well, dammit to hell. He was kind of right. More than kind of, actually. I did do those things. I had made assumptions. I had hidden in the bedroom so I could lick my wounds.

“You’re right. I didn’t ask,” I told him. “And I’m sorry about what happened to Autumn, that’s terrible.”

Max kept staring at me, face hard, body taut, and suddenly I noticed it wasn’t all anger in his features. There was something else there, too.

“You’re sorry about what happened to Autumn, but not sorry you called me a liar?”

“I’m sorry about that, too,” I admitted.

Max shook his head and some of the irritation slid away. “You know, any other time, any other woman pulled the shit you just pulled, I would’ve walked away. Last night before Dec got here, you told me you trusted me. Not only that, you went so far as to say you trusted me with your kids. Then you overhear part of a conversation and now I’m suspect. That’s not trust, Eva, that’s bullshit.” Max paused and I figured out what was beyond the frustration that shone clear, it was hurt. “I’m gonna go take a shower,” he informed me and started to walk away.

“Max?” I called when he was nearing the mouth of the hall.

“Yeah?”

“I’m…” I trailed off because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say.

“You’re what, Eva?”

“Confused. Afraid. I don’t know what to believe. I think you know I’m not a very good judge of character. And well, I jump to conclusions. It was uncool and—”

“It was uncool. But you know what’s fucking worse? Is you lumping me in with the assholes in your past. I am not them—not even remotely close. So while you’re sifting through all those conclusions you jumped to, cast your mind back to the beginning. I’ve never lied to you—not once—even when the truth was probably a little uncomfortable for you to hear, I still gave it to you straight. And I’ll give you more, Eva. I’ve never been open and honest about where I’m at in my head with anyone. I’ve never paused and considered that maybe I’ve missed out because I can’t get over something that happened over ten years ago. But I have to tell you, that shit you just fed me, tells me that maybe I’ve been right, it’s just not fucking worth it.”

And with that kill shot, he was gone.

Gone in a way I should let him be forever—emotionally checked out.

That was safer.

I poured my coffee, went back to the sliding glass window, and stared out into the backyard.

Max had asked his friend to find us a place with a swing set. He’d asked another friend to get the boys stuff so they would feel comfortable. He’d been honest with me from the start—even when his honesty hurt, he still gave it.

He’d given in and allowed me to tell my boys we were going on vacation instead of the truth. Then he’d played along with my stupid plan until he couldn’t any longer. And even after the jig was up, he cushioned the truth and protected my relationship with my boys.

He bought Eli a blue parrot. He bought the boys’ favorite book.

And I’d repaid all of that by running away and hiding instead of having the courage to ask him about what I’d heard.

Now Max was gone. I should leave it alone and let him stay mad at me.

That was the wise thing to do.

The smart thing.

But my stomach roiled at the thought, my heart clenched, and my temples throbbed.

I understood there wasn’t and never would be anything permanent between Max and me. I knew there was no future, no hope, but I still had to make things right. I had to make him understand why I’d reacted the way I had, even if it was for my peace of mind.

I had to change, be better, take responsibility for my actions and the frustration and hurt I’d caused.

But how I was going to do that, I didn’t know.