Page 107 of Declan

I didn’t want to smell gunpowder. I didn’t want the coppery scent of blood to fill my nostrils. I didn’t want to see the red pool of liquid.

Too much.

It was all too much.

I’d done too much. I’d seen too much. My heart hurt too much. My soul was too black.

What had I done?

Why had I chosen this life?

Revenge.

Same as Ash had, and now look at her, dead in an ever-growing puddle of her blood. She’d said she had nothing and I believed her because for years and years I hadn’t, either. I had vengeance and retribution. The cold truth was, I wasn’t rescuing men, women, and children. That was a happy byproduct. A side effect to me needing to kill as many traffickers as I could. Murder them.

I was no better than Ash.

“Babe?”

I heard Declan but couldn’t answer because the bile was churning. I knew what happened next. The same thing that happened every time I witnessed this very scene. The same thing that happened every time I’d caused it.

I was going to throw up.

And proving that Declan was too perfect, too observant, too good for the likes of me, he guided me out of the crowded room, not stopping until he had me around the building hidden from the others.

I didn’t take in a cleansing breath. I let the foul taste swirl and mix until I had no choice but to purge it from my stomach.

I leaned forward, Declan’s hand held my bicep, and I heaved. Completely unembarrassed, unable to hide anything from him, and not wanting to. He needed to see what he’d gotten himself into. This was me. Tough talker but weak.

I couldn’t do this anymore.

“I can’t,” I panted between gagging and spitting.

“I got you, baby. Just get it all out.”

I figured he did. He always had me.

“Thanks,” Dec mumbled, and I glanced to my side to find Max standing there with a bottle of water. Face like granite, supremely pissed.

Thankfully, Max didn’t say anything before he stalked off. Oh, yeah, he was pissed off.

“Wash out your mouth.” Declan handed me the uncapped bottle and I swished, swirled, and spit.

Once I was done, Declan picked me up fireman style and carried me to the car. Normally I would’ve struggled to get down, but right then I was grateful to let him take care of me. I also didn’t want to see Ash or Natasha or the guys. I just wanted Declan for as long as he’d give himself to me.

* * *

Declan and I sat in the passenger seat of the Suburban. The door was open, I was on his lap, and it was utterly silent until two black SUVs rolled into the parking lot at a high rate of speed followed by a dozen cop cars.

“Do you need—”

“No.” Declan’s terse answer took me by surprise but I said nothing.

In truth, I had nothing to say.

Zane appeared in my line of sight, apprehension clear.

“You good?”