Page 11 of Declan

“What?”

“He grabbed your face and you held on to his arms.”

“Yeah, so? I touched him, what’s that have to do with anything?”

“Declan doesn’t like to be touched,” Kyle told me something I knew.

Of course, I’d touched Declan before. We’d had sex, lots and lots of sex, but there was a difference between touching and groping. I didn’t caress him, nor did he caress me. We didn’t make love, we didn’t have gentle, slow sex. It was a fast and furious exchange. It was exactly what both of us needed, what we could handle. It was never discussed, we didn’t need to talk about it, we both just instinctively knew what the other needed. But Kyle didn’t know that.

“I know he doesn’t.”

“Right. So he has let you in.”

Before I could put an end to the pointless, and frankly frightening conversation, a very loud bang came from outside.

Shit.

I took off in a full sprint, crashed through the back door, and found Declan pinned to the wall, Thad’s hands around Dec’s throat. But Declan wasn’t fighting back, his arms hung useless at his sides.

“Thad, stop!” I shouted.

“Get the fuck back in the house, Autumn,” Thad snarled.

And in a move that was so fast I gasped and jumped back, Declan had their positions reversed. “Don’t you ever fuckin’ snap at her. You wanna be pissed at me, be pissed. You wanna use me as a punching bag to work out your anger, do it. I’ll gladly take it. But don’t you ever talk to her like that again.”

Declan let go of Thad’s throat and pushed off. He took two steps back from his teammate and cut his gaze to me before he looked over my shoulder. “Any of you want your shot, I’ll tell you the same thing I told Thaddeus, they’re yours to take. I didn’t tell any of you where I was going or who I was seeing because it was none of your business. My private life isn’t ever up for discussion.”

Fuck. I did this. I’d caused all this ruckus and it was for nothing. Just me being selfish, wanting a few hours with a man who understood who I was and took what I had to offer and asked for no more. I didn’t think beyond that, I didn’t think of the repercussions.

Shit.

“It was me,” I told Thad. “All of it. You can’t blame Declan for something I asked him to do. I came on to him. I propositioned him. I asked him not to tell you and I explained why earlier. I didn’t want Emerson to know I was in Annapolis. I wasn’t ready to face her. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, but I had my reasons for being in Maryland and I took what I could from Declan. You wanna be pissed at someone? Be pissed at me. It’s my fault.” I looked back to Dec and finished. “I’m sorry. I never should’ve—”

“You wanna apologize for something, apologize for ghosting my ass and coming here without me and the team. And while you’re at it, you can apologize for traipsing around without a proper cover, announcing to every insurgent that there’s a beautiful American woman walking around without a man at her back. And I know that pisses you off, thinking a man has to be at your side. But, babe, you’re in fucking Afghanistan, not the Riviera. I know you’ve been here before, so I know you know the rules. What you’re never gonna apologize for is seeking out then getting something you needed. You didn’t take anything. I gave it—willingly.”

“Seriously?” I narrowed my eyes on Declan, his set to stone, obviously very serious.

“Deadly. After we finish up that conversation, we’re moving on to the meaning of teamwork. That lesson will include not running down two flights of stairs leaving your partner without cover, but more, leaving yourself without backup. Second part to that is, when there’s a motherfucking gun pressed to your temple, you communicate you’re gonna handle that threat so you don’t eat the bullet I was intending for the asshole who was behind you.”

“I’m sorry, Declan, what should I’ve done? Tapped out a message, maybe Morse code, or would you have preferred me to announce to the dickhead he would soon find himself disarmed on his back, meaning I’d lose the element of surprise which was the only thing I had going for me? And just to say, I would’ve been pissed you shot him in the head and I had to eat brain matter when it splattered on my face. Not to mention, I enjoy my hearing and you would’ve busted my eardrum if you would’ve shot him over my shoulder. So in the future, don’t ever take that shot. And lastly, I figured you were a big boy—you know, a Marine—and you’d have no issue handling some guest who was simply exiting their room, so I thought I’d get a jump start clearing the stairwell for us.”

“Christ,” Thad bit out. The one word held a meaning I didn’t understand and the pain I saw flash across his face made me wince. “Christ. This cannot be happening.”

Then Thad pinned Declan with a searing stare. “I hope you’re the man I believe you are.”

Declan’s torso jerked, his face paled, and the stark fear I saw made my stomach clench.

“I’m not.”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Thad said, his voice full of understanding. “I’ll never forget. Not what you said to me, not how you said it, and not how you looked when you said it. It’s because of you I have my Emerson. Now I’m gonna repay the favor. It’s not gone. Here’s your shot. Take it. Take it, Declan, wake up and reach for it, brother.”

Declan didn’t reply, not verbally. But the anguish on his face said it all. Whatever Thad meant by his comment gutted Declan. No, it alienated him.

What the hell was that about?

Chapter 4

Son of a bitch. Nothing I did stopped Thad’s words from playing on a constant loop. He had no idea what the hell he was talking about. I couldn’t reach out and take anything. My life was gone. The most important parts of me dead.