Page 28 of Declan

“Don’t!” His hands went to my hips, presumably to toss me to the side, but I tightened my thighs against his hips and refused to budge.

“There are no words, Dec, to tell you how much my heart hurts. It aches for you.” He made a strangled sound that gutted me. “For them.”

“Enough.”

“And while we were in the shower, you didn’t take anything from me. You gave me something. A tiny piece of my heart back. You stitched it back into place. Thank you for that.”

The pads of his fingers dug into my flesh and I knew he could take no more.

Hell, I could take no more.

I leaned forward slowly and gave him the only thing I could. I pressed my lips to his forehead. I lingered for as long as my emotional state would allow. Then I rolled off of him, rolled again to the edge of the bed, got to my feet, and went in search of my clothes.

Thankfully, I’d placed them on the small vanity when I’d undressed. The floor was sopping wet, making me wonder if Declan had bothered to dry us off at all when he pulled us out of the shower. By the looks of it, he hadn’t. Yet my hair was already drying which meant I’d been lying in bed next to him comatose for a good long while.

I quickly mopped up the floor with a towel, got dressed, and went back into the bedroom.

Declan was still on his back. His right hand rested on his tattoo, his left arm bent at a forty-five-degree angle with his forearm covering his eyes.

He was wrecked.

Emotionally devastated.

And he did that for me.

He’d thought he taken something from me when he kissed me. So in return, he gave me something back. His daughter. His Violet. He’d also given me Juliana. The longer I watched his chest rise and fall the more I wondered about his wife. She would’ve had to have been someone special. Beautiful and strong to capture a man like Declan.

I’d bet she was everything I wasn’t.

I was sorry he’d lost them.

I made it to the side of the bed and didn’t know what to do. Declan and I didn’t have heart-to-hearts. We didn’t share our deepest, darkest secrets. Only now, we had.

He’d given me Juliana and Violet, so before I left, I’d give him one more thing.

“After I was rescued, I wanted to die.” Declan moved his arm to look at me and I wished he hadn’t. It would be easier to tell him what I had to say without him looking at me. “I wanted to die so bad but I was such a coward I couldn’t do it. Then when I wasn’t recovering…whatever the hell that means, as quickly as Emerson and my parents wanted me to, I started to hate them. But that wasn’t why I ran away. I heard Emmy crying. She was in her room and I sat outside the door for a long time listening. Pissed off at the world. Pissed off at her for feeling sorry for me. When she finally sobbed herself to sleep, I went into her room. She was asleep holding a picture frame. I took it from her and I knew I needed to free her. She wasn’t crying over me, she was mourning the life she should’ve had. I put the picture back on her bed and packed my shit. I left the next day.”

“Who was in the picture?”

“Her and Thad. I wanted to set her free. Give him back to her. Those ten years they were apart, I stole from them. And she never stopped loving him, not for a single day. I know Emerson, I know she loved Thad so deeply, that love would never die.”

I looked down at him. All of the pain still marred his features but there was understanding. So I changed my mind, I wanted him to know one more thing.

“I’ve never had that. Not ever has anyone loved me. And I’ve tried to deny it, push it down, lock it away, pretend I never wanted it. But the truth is, that’s all I want. All I’ve ever wanted was to be able to love someone so completely like Emmy loves Thad, and in return be loved the same way. And it fucking kills me to know I’ll never have it. That’s why I don’t want to see Emmy. Why I don’t want to know my niece or nephew. Why I can’t be around Thad. They have everything I never will and the sight of them eats at me.”

“Autumn—”

“No more sharing, Declan. I think we’ve both had enough for one day.”

Or a lifetime.

I turned and calmly walked out of his bedroom even though I wanted to run. Then I wanted to keep going until I was far, far away. Someplace safe where I could hide from everything Declan made me feel.

Chapter 10

I hadn’t even made it into the living room when I heard them arguing.

Jesus, how long had it been since Autumn left my room? Ten minutes at most. Just enough time for me to pull my shit together after talking about Juliana and Violet.