Page 8 of Declan

I glanced at his left arm, his tight tan long-sleeve t-shirt covered in blood, and a tingle of remorse made the hair on the back of my neck stand. But just a tingle and just for a moment. I didn’t feel remorse or regret, those emotions had long since disappeared. But for Declan, I’d let myself feel it.

“No. The shit you pulled could’ve got us killed. I didn’t ask for you to horn in on my action. I didn’t ask you to meet me on the street, and if it wasn’t for you, I would’ve never been in that situation to begin with.”

“We had a plan.”

“Again, no. You had a plan. I don’t do plans, or partners, or teams. I work alone. I told you that, you disagreed and in order not to argue, I let you believe whatever you wanted. But that didn’t mean I was going to follow along.”

Declan’s brows pinched, his frown deepened, and extreme displeasure rolled off him. Thad’s gaze bounced from me to Declan then back to me. Great. And when his eyes narrowed, I knew he was going to ask questions I didn’t want to answer.

“What the hell is going on?” Thad demanded.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Max glaring at me. I’d only met the man a handful of times but he struck me as someone you didn’t fuck with. But at that moment, what he didn’t look was confused like Thad, Brooks, and Kyle were.

“What’s going on is, I had a lead on Madeleine, I followed that lead, and Declan here is fucking up my plan.”

“Thought you didn’t do plans,” Declan returned.

God, the man was infuriating.

“I’m not talking about Strotherby,” Thad started. “What the actual fuck is going on with you and Declan? And how did it come to be that the two of you had occasion to discuss anything?”

Declan flinched and Thad didn’t miss it. “Brother.” The warning in Thad’s tone was clear. That couldn’t be missed, either

And in a rare moment of kindness, I decided I didn’t want Declan to be on the receiving end of Thad’s anger. The two of them were teammates. I was nothing to them, and when Madeleine was taken care of, I’d disappear and they’d never see me again. But they would have to work together.

“I reached out to Declan when my source confirmed Icon was the top dog in the Omni pyramid. I mistakenly thought we could share intel.”

Hurt flashed in my brother-in-law’s eyes and I understood why.

“You reached out to Declan, not me.”

There was more pain. I was a walking, talking disaster that only caused devastation and agony. The main reason I stayed away from everyone. No one needed my brand of destruction.

“Yep, Declan,” I unnecessarily confirmed.

“Why?”

“Because I knew he wouldn’t try to talk me into seeing Emerson. He wouldn’t talk about the past, he wouldn’t try to fix me, heal me, or stop me. No offense, Thad, you’re a good guy. But you love my sister.”

“Damn right I do.”

“And because you do, I don’t want anything to do with you. I don’t want to cause problems for you and Emmy. I don’t want her thinking about me. I want her living her life loving you. Don’t you think she’s given up enough?”

Thad remained silent because I was right. Emerson had given up too much. And part of what she’d given up was him. When I was first taken, Emmy had walked away from her life in San Diego to go home and help our parents search for me. Then days had slid into months and months into years and she never went back to her life, or to Thad. Not until last year when they finally reconnected. He’d wrought a miracle and pulled her from a life she had no business living. One much like mine, where retribution was the only goal. But he’d gotten her clean, and I had no doubt he thought he could do the same for me. And not because he liked me or was worried about my black soul, but because my sister loved me and wanted something for me I’d never have—happiness and peace. And if Emmy wanted it, Thaddeus Bench would move heaven and hell to make sure she had it.

That was why I didn’t want anything to do with my brother-in-law.

“I told you we were close,” Declan rejoined. “I told you to wait and together we’d talk to my team and come up with a plan. One that didn’t involve you struttin’ your ass around Afghanistan, blonde hair waving in the wind like a fucking beacon. I fuckin’ told you, Autumn, this wasn’t a suicide mission.”

He had droned on about not putting my life in danger. But he and I were in disagreement. Two different mindsets if you will—he called it suicide, I called it a regular day. Death didn’t scare me, I’d died more than ten years ago the first time my body was used against my will. And every time after that, more and more of me was lost until there was nothing left.

There was no such thing as suicide, not for a woman like me. You couldn’t kill the dead.

“Autumn,” Declan snapped and pulled me from my thoughts. “Swear to Christ, you pull that shit again, I’ll be making good on my threats.”

“Mark this, Dec, you try that and it will be me paddling your ass.”

“What. The. Fuck?” Thad barked and pinned Declan with a deadly look.