Page 85 of Declan

Then his face dipped, which was to say, we were almost nose-to-nose when he cut me off.

“Autumn, baby, you were squeezing your thighs together. But you want more truth, I know you’re aching because my cock’s been throbbing hard since that kiss. Why the hell do you think I’m so far on the other side of the bed, I’m damn close to rolling off?”

Okay, that was good to know.

“I’m ready.”

Declan was silent for a long time, just looking into my eyes. I didn’t know what he was looking for but I hoped he’d find it quickly. He was not wrong, I had been squeezing my legs together. He was also correct, I was turned on. I wanted more and I wasn’t sure what the hold-up was. We’d done this before, and it always ended fabulously.

Or had it?

The orgasms he’d wrought were absolutely fabulous. Otherworldly fantastic. And I knew Declan didn’t fake how much he enjoyed his.

But I knew something was missing because as soon as the high had waned, emptiness followed. I’d found short-lived, momentary peace in Declan. A time where I thought about nothing but him and what he was doing to me physically, but the emotional fallout from the highest of highs was the lowest of lows. He’d leave and I couldn’t hold back the pain of loneliness. Empty, hollow, wanting more from him but knowing I’d never get it.

I wondered if he’d felt that, too.

“I’m not gonna fuck you, baby,” he said softly and my body went stiff.

Okay, maybe I was wrong about everything.

“When you’re ready, I’m gonna show you something new. Something you’ve never had. And I swear to you, it’ll be good. But you gotta be ready to feel what I want you to feel. Physically, I can get you there. But emotionally, you gotta be ready to take this journey because I won’t let you hold back. Which means you gotta trust me to push you where you need to go.”

My heart rate spiked and my palms got clammy.

“You want on top of me,” I surmised.

Declan came closer and my vision narrowed to just him. His handsome face set to determination, his eyes full of something that looked like love, but his mouth was tight like he was holding back again and I hated it.

I wanted Declan to be free to be himself. The same way he made it safe for me to be me.

“I want to make love to you. I don’t want any boundaries. I want to explore every inch of you and do that however I want to do it. I want you to touch me while I’m doing it. I don’t want you to hold back, shut down, lock your emotions out. I want everything, Autumn. Flesh, desire, passion, love, lust, everything you have to give. I want you to feel me everywhere. The need to give that to you is consuming me. But what I will never do again is fuck you while we both hold everything back, giving each other empty orgasms to escape. I’m not saying I’ll never take you fast and hard—what I’m telling you is, when I take you I’ll be giving you everything. Nothing between us. No boundaries.”

The area between my legs was wet and tingling.

“And that’s why you’re sleeping on the other side of the bed not touching me?”

Declan’s lips twitched and I wanted to kiss them so badly that tingling between my legs became a throb.

“Yeah, Autumn, I’m determined to give you time, to go at your pace. That includes not pressing my hard cock against you, so I’d needed the distance.”

“Why?”

“Baby,” he groaned. “Pains me to think about it, because now I understand how fucked-up it was, the way we’d come together, and I hate how much I held back from you. But you have to know, you are sexy as fuck, you feel so goddamn good wrapped around my cock, I had to fight back coming five seconds after I got inside of you. Your ass is a thing of beauty, your tits only win out because you go hot when I bite your nipples. But again, I held back, and not only emotionally. I want to taste you so damn bad my hands shake. I want to feel you come around my cock while I look into your eyes. I wanna hear you calling my name while I’m driving deep, knowing it’s not because of what my cock does for you but because of what I do for you. So with all of that, I’m staying on my side of the bed because my cock’s hard, my hands are shaking, and my mouth is watering. When you’re ready, I’m all yours. You can touch all you want. But for now, I’m respecting your space.”

The word “space” was barely out of his mouth and my hands went to his back and started to glide up. Declan went stiff as a board, his muscles twitched under my palms, and I still panicked I’d done something wrong.

Wordlessly, he held my gaze and in rapt fascination I watched him war with himself. Little by little, he relaxed until he gave me a nod of permission and I slowly resumed my path. I’d never touched his bare back. Smooth skin over hard muscle. Every now and again, I hit a puckered scar but I didn’t have to ask. I knew where he’d gotten them. Not the particulars—those I’d never know—but they were marks of bravery. Proof he’d lived through the horrors of war. And I didn’t have to see them to know they were beautiful.

“Is this okay?” I felt compelled to ask.

“Yeah, baby, you can touch wherever you want.”

“Will you touch me?”

“Is that what you want?”

I nodded and swallowed past the lump in my throat, hating that I’d had to make a request.