Page 77 of Cash

I glanced at one of the many folders, the contents of which I knew had already been read. Details of an op I’d completed for Michael.

They had everything.

My whole life was now on display.

My secrets.

My crimes.

Every-damn-thing.

Bare.

Raw.

I couldn’t breathe and it was getting worse by the second.

I felt a hand at the back of my neck, fingers curling tight asking for my attention, but I kept my eyes trained on the table. That was until the pressure became such, I could no longer resist. Then all I saw was Cash’s concerned eyes filling my vision.

“Hey,” he whispered.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything, not only because I couldn’t breathe but I didn’t know what to say.

This wasn’t me. I didn’t panic. I didn’t lose hold of my control. I didn’t allow myself to be vulnerable to anyone or any situation. But there I was, open and exposed, on the verge of a total breakdown.

“Hey,” Cash repeated with a small shake. “Focus, Stella. Come back to the room and focus on just me.”

I couldn’t be Stella. Not when Theo, Easton, Smith, Jonas, Kira, Nebraska, Zane, and Cash were sifting through my life.

And there was the crux of my problem.

I was caught between two worlds—personal and professional. I couldn’t find Lore and strap her on. Not when Cara was close. Not after I’d spent six months shedding the protection she offered. And now that I needed her she was just gone.

It was odd, thinking of yourself as two different people. No, not odd—crazy.

I felt Cash’s forehead hit mine. The up close he already was turned up close. All I could see was his blue eyes.

Eyes I’d half convinced myself I’d fallen in love with. That was the problem with isolation and nothing but time on your hands. Time meant your mind could play tricks. Time meant romanticizing. Time meant forgetting things best remembered.

“You’re scaring me, baby girl,” Cash whispered. “Need you to say something.”

I knew what to say to that. “Don’t call me that.”

I watched lines form around his eyes. Lines that indicated he was smiling and that was something else in the months we’d been apart I’d idealized—his smile and how I’d felt that tipping up of his full lips in my heart instead of remembering the only thing I should’ve felt was my panties dampening.

God, I’d been so stupid. Crazy and stupid.

“There she is,” Cash murmured. “Do you wanna take a break or are you good?”

I wanted to go downstairs, grab Cara, and run. Unfortunately, with my dickface brother on the loose that wasn’t a safe option.

“I’m fine,” I lied.

“You’re not,” he refuted. “This is a lot for you, Stella. If you need a break, take it.”

A lot didn’t begin to cover what this was.

“I said I’m fine, Cash. Now move back and let me get back to work.”