Page 48 of Playing With Temptation

“Yeah, Rae, I can still read you. And as much as it’s gonna test my control being next you, we’re gonna sit on your couch and talk. When in reality what I want to do, is get you on the couch, haul you into my lap, and show you how much I’ve missed you. But what we have to talk about is important, so we’re gonna do that. So, here’s your warning. When we’re done and you walk me to the door, I’m gonna kiss you.”

Her eyes rounded and the pink in her cheeks deepened.

It was good to know that at thirty-five, Rainy Cross could still be cute and shy.

I was her first kiss. She’d given me the gift of her virginity at a time when I understood how precious that gift was, felt honored it was me she’d given it to, loved her deeply, but we were teenagers. That part of our relationship lasted three years. I couldn’t say the sex had started out great; what I could say is we were learning together. And by the time she’d ended us, she was still shy, but not timid, and with very little effort I could coax her out of her shell and that shy turned wild.

“You’re gonna kiss me?”

It had been over a decade since I’d kissed her. Waiting until after we talked was going to be torture. But if I got my mouth on her now, which would also mean my hands, there would be no talking. And if memory served, it would take all of thirty seconds after I kissed her for her hands to find their way under my shirt and for her to start making sexy sounds that would necessitate me getting my hands down her pants to make her come.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

“At the door?”

“Yes, with it open and me on the porch.”

“Why?”

She wasn’t asking why I was going to kiss her. She was asking about the location.

“It’s the safest place. Me on your porch means I can’t tear your clothes off. Which is exactly what I’m gonna want to do.”

I watched her tremble and I wished like fuck she was in my arms so I could’ve felt it. But more, I wished we were in a place where I could do something about it.

But we weren’t.

“C’mon, Rae, let’s sit. I want to hear about your friend and I want you comfortable and close when you tell me about your friend.”

“Best friend,” she immediately corrected as she made her way to the couch.

I waited for her to sit before I shoved some pillows out of the way and followed her down.

“Okay, baby, tell me about your best friend.”

“Sister. Zoe was my sister. She was there with me when I had Lucas. She cut the cord. She was the first person to hold him after I did, even before Mom. But Mom didn’t care because she was all about me and making sure I was okay. Then she lived with us, and helped me with diapers and middle of the night feedings and baths. I was so scared I’d break him, but not Zoe. She was a natural. She couldn’t wait to have kids. Zoe was everything. Sweet, smart, kind, quiet, the life of the party, loud, fun…just everything wrapped up into one beautiful ball of energy. Then she met Julian.”

Again with the spitting out of his name.

Fuck. I didn’t like where this was headed and not only because I knew she was dead.

“No, that’s not right. At first, I loved him for her. He let her be her. He has a great job, makes a lot of money, but didn’t expect her to quit her job and be a trophy wife. But he did want her to stay home with any kids they had. And she wanted that, too. So they agreed to wait. Zoe was goal-oriented; there were things in her career she wanted to accomplish before she started having babies. She never got to have her babies,” she told me on a whisper. “Part of me is happy because if she did, they’d be with him. But another part of me is so fucking sad she never got to be a mom and now that she’s gone, I don’t have any pieces of her.”

When she paused, I told her, “I get that, Rae. But you do have pieces of her. You have all the pieces she left you with. All the memories. All the time she gave you. Those are yours, honey, and they always will be.”

Her lips were trembling when she said, “Yeah. She gave me a lot. She gave Lucas a lot. He loves her so much and it kills she won’t be around to watch him grow up, but it hurts worse that he won’t have her. She was his other parent.”

That was twice now she’d mentioned Zoe helping her raise Lucas. Which begged the question, where the fuck was his father when Rainy was delivering her son? As badly as I wanted to know, now was not the time to ask.

“Zoe and Julian were engaged within four months. Five months after that, they were married. My sister was happy, beaming, every day loving life, loving Julian, loving me and Lucas. Nothing had changed. Then slowly, after their one-year wedding anniversary, Julian’s mask started to slip. It was like suddenly he could no longer keep the inner dickhead at bay. And it started small. Him commenting on what she was wearing when they went out. Then it was what she ate. Then it was how much time she spent with me. Of course he had all the excuses. He wanted her to wear only the best. He wanted her healthy because they were going to have a family. He loved her so much he wanted more of her attention, and she should want that, too, because she was his wife.”

Again, fuck.

I knew where this was headed because this was how it always started with abusive assholes. The control started small—so small, they could slip it in, and most of it would go unnoticed.

“My girl, she loved me, she loved Lucas, so they fought about me, about the time we spent together.” Rainy paused and dropped her eyes to her clasped hands in her lap. “Then he switched tactics. Through her, he started inviting me and Lucas over. Zoe was so happy. She thought she’d gotten through to him and made him understand how important we were to her. But she didn’t see it, the looks he’d give me. She didn’t hear the comments he’d make because he was careful to make sure she wouldn’t.”

“Did he threaten you?” I practically growled.