Page 57 of Pining for You

“We did.” Izaac gives a slow nod.

Cash wasn’t there for the conversation at the bar, so unless Izaac shared it with him and Diya on our walk over, he may not be clued into the situation.

But Cash’s question—and the way he looked at Izaac when he asked it—seemed more pointed than that. Like it was about something specific in that coded couple’s language. Does he think we should get Audra to come home too?

“Do you think she’s happier now?” Diya asks.

“I do,” Izaac says, glancing in Audra’s direction. He takes a deep breath, and adds, “A lot.”

“It’s all pretty brave of her.” Cash rubs Izaac’s back now, and I’m happy to see the gesture of love.

Izaac stuffs his hands in the pockets of his coat as he tells us, “I’m really proud of her.” I hope he’s told her, too.

And just then, Audra pockets her phone and literally skips over to us, a giant grin lighting up her face.

“Success!” Audra announces. “We’re saved!”

17

In my professional opinion, the most ludicrous part of Happiest Season isn’t that Abby chooses Harper over Riley (yes, I’m biased by my Aubrey Plaza crush), or that she didn’t have some inclination that Harper wasn’t out to her family, or even that Mary Holland’s character had her fantasy novel sold, published, and on shelves in under a year.

It’s that this middle-of-nowhere part of Pennsylvania has a full-blown Santa drag show in a dive bar. Ripton would freeze over first.

Cash has always been obsessed with drag culture—it’s what initially inspired his costume design dreams—and he got me into it too, starting with a steady diet of King Princess and Chappell Roan and RuPaul’s Drag Race Holi-Slay Spectacular. I figured it was the closest we’d get until we can start living our big-city dreams.

So when I find out that our savior is a drag queen taller than Sam Smith, I’m certain we’re back to inhabiting one of my big gay Christmas movie scripts again.

She’s gorgeous, with sharp, high-arched brows over kind eyes framed by smoky black shadow and a thick winged liner. She has on the coziest-looking coat I’ve ever seen—red tartan with a high faux-fur collar—black leather gloves, and a shiny cuffed cloche cap that looks like a black cat perched on her head, adding even more inches.

“I cannot express how much we appreciate this,” Audra tells her, then turns to us. “You all should bow in the presence of this greatness. I give you the singer, accordion frontwoman extraordinaire, and premier drag polka baddie in all of Brooklyn.”

I’d question her competition in this category—my only reference for polka is Home Alone—if I weren’t so starstruck.

“Oh, be still my heart. Aren’t you the sweetest?” this queen says in a Southern accent that reminds me a little of my mom’s. Then she turns to us and adds, “The Kickers from Queens. That’s my band.”

“Amazing!” I say. Truly this human could say anything and I’d have the same reaction.

“Johnna, this is my brother, Izaac, and his friends, Diya, Cash, and Bennie. And this is—”

“Johnna,” she intervenes. “Johnna Candy. Pleased as punch. So, sounds like y’all are trying to get somewhere, and obviously this train ain’t leaving the station.” She gestures to the sign and laughs. “I know this sounds like the tagline for serial killers and weirdos, but our van is right this way!”

“Wait, you’re giving us a ride?” Izaac is incredulous.

“Did you think I was going to leave y’all stranded here at the G stop on the cusp of the apocalypse? Be serious!” Johnna replies. “We’re headed for a benefit gig on the other side of town and will happily drop you on the way. Audra here has impeccable timing.”

“Well,” Audra says. “I did get a very important super-secret message from my old roommate.” She glances at Izaac.

“The code?” he asks, eyebrows raised. “That actually meant something?”

“Sure did.” She smiles. “The dude is in another universe most of the time, but he’s the biggest Kickers stan on this planet. He’s always trying to decipher the clues.”

“Clues?” Diya asks.

“We like to have a little fun with our fans. Our schedule isn’t posted—it’s dropped,” Johnna says.

“In code,” Audra adds. “Easter egg–style.”

“We like to bring the drama, let the real ones prove their love, if you know what I’m sayin’,” Johnna adds with a wink.