Page 84 of My Own Kind of Person

Tony locks eyes with me.

The server drops our food and saves the day. The glass of ketchup is horrifying and Andi immediately holds their arms out to prevent anyone from dipping a fry in it. I still haven’t gotten used to seeing them without a beanie and hoodie, especially with the buzzed head. They’re a new person, or they’re the same person but I’m rethinking who they were all along.

Elijah tucks his hands between his legs. “You get complimentary tickets for Saturday?”

Tony puts a finger on the table. “Any extras should be given to nano-influencers. They influence the micro-influencers.”

He holds out his phone and displays a series of profiles.

Andi squints. “Those are just girls from other schools.”

Tony slams the phone down. “Some of them go to our school!”

Elijah attempts to make eye contact. “Are you nervous?”

Mostly I’m surprised that I can talk about an embarrassing memory in front of a hundred strangers, but I am unable to talk about how I’m feeling right now with three friends. I look around for something, anything that will help me say words.

Thankfully, Tony chugs his milkshake in a series of loud gulps, lets out a long gurgle, and says, “Elijah. Do you know the Diner Placemat Genitals Game?”

Soon we’re all pointing at ads on the placemats and replacing any word with genitals. We Pay Cash For Old Genitals. High-Quality, Low-Cost Genitals Maintenance. Etcetera. The game has the unfortunate but unsurprising effect, though, of making me think about genitals. When Elijah reaches for his napkin and his leg touches mine, I jump.

“Look,” Elijah says, pointing. “They’re advertising the Big Duck.”

Tony grins. “You mean the Big—”

“You know the Big Duck?” Andi says.

Elijah puts his hand on mine. “We went last night.”

Andi turns to me. “I thought you were working on your set.”

“I was,” I say, talking slowly. “And then Elijah and I ended up going for a drive.”

“Cool.” Andi’s voice is high.

“We went out east. And that’s where we found the—”

“I know the Big Duck. I pass the Big Duck all the time.”

“Why do you pass the Big Duck all the time?” I ask.

They rip a straw wrapper into tiny pieces, not answering. “Did you have fun?”

Thankfully the check drops so I can look at it like I’m fascinated by the cost of food. Before the server can walk away, Tony hands her his debit card.

“Thanks, manager man,” Andi says.

“I’m no longer Sean’s manager.”

Elijah picks up his phone. “What can I send you?”

Tony shakes his head. “All good, bro.”

Elijah takes out cash. “I’ll get the tip.”

“I tip well,” Tony growls.

“Sleepy!” I shout to break the tension. “So sleepy. Let’s all go sleep, am I right?”