Page 120 of XO Karma

Aster should arrive any time now, and I’d planned to go in alone before. I’ve hardly stepped foot in here since the day she died. It’s too painful. Too eerie. Too her.

“You okay?” A squealing yelp escapes me as I turn to find Aster, a concerned look on his face.

“Fucking hell,” I say, with a hand over my pounding heart. “Ever heard of knocking?”

“I’ve been in this house enough times. Didn’t think it was necessary.”

“So, your history of stalking me gives you permission to let yourself in?”

“Honestly?” A devilish grin spreads across his face. “I was hoping to catch you masturbating again.”

My jaw is affixed to the floor. I’m going to need a surgeon. Also a cold shower to fight the flames that have erupted across my skin. “Again?!”

“Buzz, buzz.” He winks, and thank God he’s the Grim Reaper because my soul has just expelled from my body.

“Aster Blake.” I fight for air, trying to douse the heat growing between my thighs. “We need to have a serious discussion regarding boundaries.”

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Are you saying the thought of me listening while you pleasure yourself”—I squirm—“doesn’t turn you on?”

His eyes fall to my lips, and my body is an inferno. “I…” Have forgotten how to speak.

“That’s what I thought,” he says with a victorious smile.

And just like that, with the presence of him, the weight of what we’re about to do doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. The moment he’s near, it’s like half my baggage gets hoisted onto his shoulders, and he doesn’t even bat an eye.

“Would you rather I do it?” he asks, gesturing to the door with the purple V tacked to it.

I shake my head. “It needs to be me.”

Gripping the handle once more, I turn it, bringing us inside the room that looks exactly as she left it, and my chest constricts.

Her Crystal Bay University sweatshirt hangs over her desk chair. A pair of earrings on her dresser that she’d swapped at the last minute before we went out that night. Light hints of lavender and citrus infiltrate my senses, making my chest ache. My eyes fall to the bed. The unmade bed.

Regret washes over me. After her death, I shut the door and acted like none of this existed on the other side. She was gone, and I dove headfirst into XO Karma, trying to shove away that black hole of grief that swirls inside my chest at the mere memory of her.

“Hey,” Aster says gently, snapping me back to the present, and my blurred vision makes me realize I’ve been crying. He pulls me to him, and a sob escapes.

“Shit.” I sniffle. “We don’t have time for this.”

“Yes.” He pulls away, rubbing the pads of his thumbs gently across my cheeks. “We do.”

“We’re never going to find her killer if I burst into tears like a little bitch every time I think about her,” I babble.

He shoots me a pursed lip smile. “You think about her all the time and don’t burst into tears. You’re in her bedroom. Her place. It’s normal for the grief to be more intense.”

I glance to the ceiling, rapidly blinking to rein in my feelings. “I just want to—have to—find whoever did this to her.”

He swipes under my eyes, and his gentle caress only heightens my emotions. This man has so many layers, I don’t think I’ll ever have him figured out.

“We will,” he assures me with so much confidence I almost believe him. My eyes find his once more. “Baby, you are so damn tough. I need you to take a deep breath. Let’s search this room and see if we can find something to get us closer to the truth.” He rests his forehead against mine. “Okay?”

Blinking, I hiccup a sob, and a tear drips down my cheek. He tilts his head, places a hand on my chest, and his gentle gaze holds mine.

“In,” he says, and for a moment, I’m transported to the night we met. I suck in a breath, the oxygen easing my lungs. “Out.” I exhale, focusing on the flickers of pigment in his beautiful green eyes. We continue the motion until he finally says, “Are you ready?” I nod, and he smiles softly. “Good.” He places a gentle kiss on my forehead, then steps away. “Where should we start?”

Wiping my face with my hands, I take another calming breath, or five, glancing around the room. “You take the closet, I’ll take the dressers?”

“Deal. What are we looking for?”