Page 144 of XO Karma

“I’ve spent the past thirteen years trying to rid the world of people like him but hardly made a dent.”

“You’ve certainly made a difference.” My hand cradles his face, and I find myself understanding him in a way I never thought possible. Understanding the responsibility and guilt he feels to rid the world of sinning hearts like his dad’s. The unbearable weight of feeling like everything is on fire and he’s the only one holding the hose. A feeling I know all too well. “That’s why you hate guns.”

“It’s too impersonal. You can take a life without even thinking about it. Without even being sure they’re guilty. How can you know if a man’s guilty if you don’t look him in the eyes in his final moments? Even the wicked can’t hide their sins when on the cusp of death.”

“Is that why your mask only covers your mouth?”

“Yes. I don’t feel guilt for the lives I take, but it’s important for me to look them in the eyes as I do it.” I slip off the hood, setting the blanket atop it, and head to the car. “What are you doing?”

I retrieve the gun, and his eyes fall to it, expression immediately tensing. “If we’re going to do this thing together, I’ll do it your way.”

“Are you sure?” he asks hesitantly. “If anything happened to you, I don’t want to be the reason⁠—”

“Stop,” I tell him, gripping the cool metal. “That wouldn’t be your fault. And what happened to Oliver was not your fault. Okay?”

He nods, and I turn away, walking to the edge of the water. I disassemble Violet’s gun and retrieve two bullets from the chamber. A moment later, I’ve slung the weapon far into the lake with a splash. I return to Aster, holding out the golden capsules.

“What are those for?” he asks.

“One for each of us. I want you to keep this as a reminder.”

“Of?” he asks, tugging me close again.

“After tonight, I don’t ever want you to blame yourself for what happened to Oliver.”

“But—”

I place a finger over his lips, silencing him. “Aster Blake, you are a good man.” My heart squeezes. “Your methods may be questionable, but your intentions are pure.”

“I’ve never…” He runs his thumb over my cheek. “I never expected someone to truly accept me. As I am. The things I do. Least of all you.”

“That makes two of us.”

“So does that mean”—his cocky boy grin returns—“you’ll be my girlfriend… officially?”

I can’t fight the stupid grin taking over my face. There’s not a single bone in my body that wants to say no. I’m aware I should be terrified of the things he does. But honestly, I’m more terrified of the fact that I’m not even remotely afraid. I might even… agree with his methods when necessary. “Well, I suppose if we’re in love, we might as well make it official.”

He scoops me in his arms, kissing my neck. Hands holding me as if he’s afraid I’ll disappear.

“Aster?”

He pulls away, eyes meeting mine. “Yeah, Karma baby?”

“Don’t break my heart.”

“I’d rather die.”

41

LILY

“Want onions?” Aster asks, setting veggies and a carton of eggs on the counter for omelets. We got in late last night, and regardless of the crazy events we’ve endured, I had the best night’s sleep I’ve had in weeks.

“Sure,” I reply from my spot on the bar stool doing the crossword from today’s newspaper, feeling all cozy and domestic in the absolute best way. Unfortunately, now that the sun’s risen, I can’t shake memories of the other part of our evening and stop my mind from wondering if we’re closer than ever to some answers.

“Hey, babe?” I ask Aster, and his quizzical eyes meet mine.

“Yes?”