Page 38 of An Alpha’s Guide to Finding the One

Her scent is sour but not with distress. It’s more like she’s fraught with nerves. Maybe full blown anxiety if the way her fingers wring together is any indication. “Would it be easier for you if I left?” She blurts.

My jaw drops, but she carries on like if she doesn’t get it all out now she never will. “I just mean, I know you bonded me so I could get health insurance, and you have no idea how grateful I am for that even if I didn’t act like it at the time. But since then it feels like you’ve been actively avoiding me, and I just wanted to tell you I don’t expect anything from you. These babies are biologically your nieces or nephews and even though we’re bonded I won’t coerce you into a relationship you clearly don’t want. I guess what I’m saying is, I hope we can find a way to be friends? Cordial, if nothing else.”

It didn’t register in my mind just how much I have fucked this up until now. In this moment when my goddamn omega, the mother of my children, is here offering to let me out of something she thinks I view as a favor, or worse, an obligation.

Lainey nods resolutely, one hand on her belly and one on the arm of the chair to haul herself up, when I rush her. She squeaks but I ignore it, dragging her to the back of my office to the oversized lounge chair there. I bought it when she moved in with us. I was hoping someday she might want to hang out in here with me and read while I work or something, but I never thought I would be using it to convince her I want her and our babies.

I collapse back into the chair as carefully as I can and position her in my lap facing me with her legs on either side of mine. My hands move to cup her face, relief sluicing through me when she doesn’t push me away. I sigh, coasting my thumbs along her cheekbones. “I owe you an apology. Hell, angel, I probably owe you a thousand apologies. But let me start by saying I’m so sorry I ever made you feel unwanted, because you aren’t.”

Her eyes well, and the sight flays me. “I’m not?”

“Not in the slightest.” I assure her. “I have wanted you from the very first moment I scented you.” The admission comes easily and loosens the knot in my throat. “The truth is, I’ve been panicking and I couldn’t talk myself down long enough to explain it in a way that made my behavior seem reasonable. I know now it’s because my behavior wasn’t okay. Bonding you and leaving like that only to avoid you for weeks after? It makes me the worst kind of alpha and I wouldn’t blame you if you want nothing to do with me after this.”

“Why did you pull away?” The question is quiet, hesitant, like she isn’t sure if she has the right to ask or not. Little does she know she could ask for my heart on a silver platter and I would rip the beating organ out of my own chest with no hesitation.

My body sags, the familiar weight of expectation and fear settling on my shoulders because I still can’t seem to let it go. “I was afraid. Meeting you the way I did, cuddling you in the hospital while you were struggling to regulate your heart rate and breathe without coughing. Then learning about the baby, and then suddenly there were two. I realized I was powerless to keep you safe and it took me back to when I was a kid and watching my mom lose my younger sibling to complications pretty early on in her pregnancy. It all caught up with me at once and I’m ashamed to admit it, but I spiraled into a depth of panic like I have never experienced before. I’ve spent every night since you moved in barely sleeping and immersing myself in every piece of literature I could find on pregnancy and that just made me feel more helpless. It was a vicious cycle.”

“Lawson…” those beautiful brown eyes fill with tears and I kiss away each one that falls. “I am so sorry you felt like you had to go through all of this alone.”

Pulling her to my chest, I take the opportunity to just breathe her in. Her pheromones are settling me more than any statistic or success story I’ve seen, and it dawns on me that this whole time, maybe all I needed was this. A chance to reassure me she’s still here, still whole, still breathing. And that the babies are safely growing in that belly I can’t seem to get enough of. “I wasn’t completely alone.” I tell her. “I confided in Rhys that day at your doctors, when we found out about our second little surprise bee.

She sniffles, but it almost sounds like a laugh. “Bee?”

I nod, smiling down at her. Even flushed with red-rimmed eyes, she is still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. “I read that some women say the early kicks can feel like bees buzzing or bubbles popping. I didn’t want to call the babies bubbles, so I have been calling them bees in my head.”

Her smile softens, a look of adoration on her face that nearly takes me out at the damn knees. “I love that,” she places both hands on her belly. “Baby bees.”

My hands clench into fists, and I finally ask what I have been dying to since the day of the fire. “Can I feel?”

Her eyes pop wide, flying to mine as she takes her own hands off her stomach. “Of course you can. You’re part of this pack, Lawson. My bonded alpha. I know I was kind of a brat at first and I know we have some things to figure out, but we’re yours if you want us.” The last words are whispered and the uncertainty in them breaks my heart.

I place both hands on her belly and lean in slow, giving her every chance to pull away. When she doesn’t, I brush my nose across hers once, twice, before kissing her with every ounce of sweetness I can manage. There will be time for her to realize the depths of my obsession later, but for now I just want to enjoy this time with my omega. Finally.

I don’t know how long I kiss her for, but it never intensifies despite our scents competing to see which can be the strongest in the air around us. Neither of us rushes anything, it’s just the sliding of lips against lips and our scents intertwining through the room like they should have from the start. Something moves under my palm and I back away with a gasp, staring down at her belly in shock. “Was that?” I whisper the half question, almost afraid to finish it.

Her shocked expression echoes mine but she nods. “They’re crazy active right now. You felt that?”

I nod, at a loss for words.

She gapes silently. “You’re the first one to feel them from the outside. I’ve been feeling little flitters and stuff for weeks but by the time I realized what they were it had turned into actual kicks.” Those tears are back again, though I’m not sure if it’s hormones or the enormity of the moment. My own eyes are misty and I can’t blame it on anything but the magic happening under my palm right now.

“Hi babies,” I choke out. “I’m your dad.”

I was feeling a little antsy after my talk with Lawson earlier so I decided to text Lucky with the hope that he would offer some levity. Not only did he not do that, he sent me several shirtless pictures of him and Wyatt with their sweats riding so low I could see the start of their knots.

Ball Boys Anonymous

Lucky

*photos attached*

Missing us already kitten?

Wyatt

The photoshoot was Lucky’s idea

Lucky