Page 79 of Kicking Up Dust

I snort. “Then go inside and clue her in so she can lecture you again, because it had nothing to do with you.”

“I know,” he says quietly, though I’m not sure he does. “You’re better now?”

It takes me a few seconds to answer, because it’s not like there’s a light switch I can just flip on and off. Depressed versus happy. That’s not what Blair did for me. She just jolted me out of my apathy enough that I started to want to get help again.

“I’m taking medication and attending virtual therapy sessions during my lunch break twice a month,” I answer instead. “For the most part, I’m feeling a lot better. I have days, moments, where my brain tries to do funky shit, but…” I trail off with a shrug. “I’ve got a lot to live for.”

“You had a lot to live for before her too,” Maddox argues immediately and I realize he’s hurt, not angry.

I turn to him with another soft smile.

“I know that. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve been through it—and God, Maddie, I hope you never go through it—but my brain just made me… forget all of that. I had all of these wonderful reasons to stay alive, but after years of living with that… emptiness, my mind just decided they weren’t… reason enough, I guess. That’s not to say Blair and the baby are more worth sticking around for than you all were, she just…”

I sigh, realizing I’m not explaining it right.

“It was like a defibrillator for my brain, I think. Her message made me curious, made me decide to wait it out and see where things went, but when she told me she was pregnant… Everything shifted, Maddie.”

He nods like he gets it, and I hope I’ve at least explained it well enough that he doesn’t resent Blair for doing something for me that he couldn’t. Surely, this couldn’t backfire that spectacularly.

“I’d imagine she’s probably sleeping, but let me know when she’s awake so I can come by and apologize again. And thank her,” he says, turning to look at me again. His lashes are clumped together, eyes bloodshot and watery, but at least the tears have stopped. I think I’d be a fucking mess if they hadn’t.

“Alright,” I agree. “But if you ever upset her again, I’m putting my fist through your face, Maddie.”

He snorts, but nods.

“I think that’s probably fair.”

FORTY-TWO

COLT

I wake my future wife up with kisses down her neck. She groans, shifting in bed. She loves her sleep so much that I almost feel terrible for waking her up, but I need her. I need to get lost in her again, like I did last night. I need to feel her love, to be reminded I’m not still that man on the roof.

“Colt?” she mumbles sleepily as she wakes, shifting.

“Who else would be waking you up with kisses, pretty girl?” I joke, trailing kisses across her shoulder when I run out of room on her neck. “I’m sorry, but I need you.”

She rolls onto her back with a wince, so I back away to give her more room to roll onto her side instead, facing me. Her sleepy eyes search mine, confused. Her hand comes up to push my hair out of my eyes, thumb stroking by the corner of my eyelid. My lashes must still be wet.

“What happened?”

“I told Maddie. About the roof.”

“Oh, Colt,” she whispers, pulling me closer. I rest my head against her chest. It’s not really the time or place to notice this, but her tits are so goddamn comfortable, I’m almost positive I could use them as a pillow all night long. Maybe once she’s given birth, if she likes sleeping on her back again.

“I need you,” I repeat instead, pressing another kiss to the swell of her breast. “Please, baby. I can make it quick. Or I can just go down on you. Whatever you want.”

She tugs me back by my hair and I look up at her with what I can only assume are wild eyes.

“Let me ride you,” she offers and my dick twitches in immediate agreement.

“Fuck yeah,” I’m quick to say, slipping off the bed so I can get undressed. Blair’s still naked from last night, thank god.

I lie on my back on the bed, but she shakes her head.

“Sit up against the headboard. I have a feeling I’ll need your shoulders to help me out.”

The speed in which I comply should be tested. It’s gotta be a world record. I rest my hands on her hips as she uses my shoulder for balance to throw a leg over my waist.