Page 71 of Tanner

Tanner’s eyes stayed on him and Miles looked at him.

“That was it. Everyone talked about what should’ve happened and what could’ve happened and what had gone wrong. None of it changed anything. Ryan was still dead.”

For a moment Miles looked away. He could still remember it clearly if he let himself. The noise outside the gas station. The lights. Ryan’s brother shaking so hard he could barely stand. The look on his mother’s face.

“I hated that,” Miles whispered. “Not just what happened to him. The rest of it. The way it all became a process. The way people made mistakes and then shrugged because there was nothing to be done after.” He looked back at Tanner. “I couldn’t let that go.”

Tanner was quiet for a beat. “So you became a cop.”

“Yeah.”

“You thought you could do it better.”

Miles gave a small shrug. “I thought I could at least do my own job right.”

Tanner looked at him then nodded. “That makes sense.”

Miles let out a slow breath. “Most days it’s not anything big. It’s noise complaints and paperwork and calls where people are just being stupid. But I know what it looks like when something serious gets handled wrong. I know the costs involved.”

Tanner dropped his gaze to the table. “You watched someone who mattered to you get turned into a case. Like they weren’t a living breathing person.”

“Yeah.”

“And nobody could fix it after.”

“No.”

Tanner nodded slowly. “That’s a hard thing to carry.”

Miles almost smiled at that. “You would know.”

That pulled Tanner’s eyes back up to his.

For a minute neither of them spoke. “I didn’t know that about you,” Tanner said at last.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

“Is that meant to make you sound mysterious?”

“No.”

That got the smallest laugh out of Tanner, then he rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know what I’m doing half the time.”

Miles did not answer right away. When he did, he said, “You’re keeping her safe.”

“I’m trying.”

“And doing it.”

“Some days it doesn’t feel that way.” Tanner looked away and sighed softly.

Miles leaned forward a little. “You’ve got a roof over her head. Food in the house. She’s got clothes. A bed. She’s in preschool.” Tanner looked back at him. “You’re doing the forms. You’re doing everything, one step at a time.” He held Tanner’s gaze. “That counts.”

Tanner looked at him in a way Miles couldn’t fully read. Not disbelief exactly. More like Tanner wasn’t used to hearing anyone say something like that to him.

After a moment Tanner stood up. Miles watched him, unsure for a second where he was going. then Tanner walked around the table, took hold of his shirt, leaned over him, and kissed him.

Tanner kissed Miles slowly, one hand sliding into Miles’ hair as the other held his shirt. Miles stood and put his hands on Tanner’s waist, keeping him close.