Page 154 of The Incendiary

“Ary, I know.” Mina took my hand. “And it wouldn’t matter if you had.” Her pale green eyes held mine. “You could have slept with the whole fortress and you wouldn’t deserve this. You know that, don’t you?”

I knew she was right, but I felt confused and unsure. Since waking up in Warrich ten months ago, there had always been a disconnect between my mind and body other than with him. Tonight, Gerard and the others had shouted vile words while beating my body, a blur of insults and blows until their insults felt true. How flimsy my mind’s grasp on reality still was. How easy I was to manipulate again, if only beaten down enough.

I was going to fight back, just as he’d told me to. I wanted to. I needed to. But tonight, I couldn’t. Not yet.

“I know,” I finally answered Mina, my words sounding more like a whoosh of wind escaping my lungs from a brutal strike to the gut.

We remained in grim but companionable silence while she finished putting fresh, dry bandages on my thighs. She then helped me strip down to my undergarments and assessed the rest of me for other lacerations and tended to those too. When Mina started cleaning up, I was overcome with the urge to speak. I wasn’t ready to be alone again.

“He didn’t believe me,” I told her.

She stopped gathering supplies off the floor and looked at me, brow furrowed in concern. “What? Who?”

“The commander. Abram went and got him. He found out I was attacked. He asked if they fucked me. I didn’t give him an answer.”

Mina’s pale green eyes deepened with anger.

“But I told him what they told me, that they’ve been working for Molochai, and he didn’t believe me.”

She stood up from the floor but stayed silent, giving me space to keep speaking.

“A part of me hoped that he would care enough because I’m one of his cadets, even though to him, I’m not the queen. I’m just me.” My voice cracked, tears streaming down my face as I poured my heart out to my friend. “He doesn’t know who I really am, but that shouldn’t matter, right?”

Mina drew me to her chest, rested her chin on top of my head and answered, “No, Ary. That shouldn’t matter at all.” She sighed, carefully resting her fingers on my tender back. “But it’s clear that these days, there’s nothing more important to Elias Winterton than retribution.”

She held me like that for a while. Until my crying ceased, which was only when my body was so exhausted, it felt like I had nothing left. Mina shrugged out of the wool sweater she wore and went to pull it over my head.

“This is yours,” I objected.

“Take it.” She waved her hand. “I’ll just steal one of Mav’s.”

I wanted to request she grab Gavin’s sweater off my bed, but she’d already done so much for me, so I accepted without complaint. She winced along with me when I lifted my arms to pull it over my head and failed to hold back my faint whimper.

“Thank—” I sucked in a ragged breath from the pain as I shifted on the edge of the bench, then blew it out. “Thank you. I’m going to take just a minute.”

“Of course.” Mina smiled sadly. “We’ll be here when you’re ready.”

Once she was gone, I slid down from the bench and winced when my rear hit the floor and pain seared across my inner thighs.

“Shera?” I said down the pathway. Even my inner voice sounded weak. Unless she was close, I doubted she could hear me. “Shera, are you there?”

“I’m here.”

My palm flew to my mouth to silence a gasp. I hadn’t expected her. Even from those two words, I could hear that something was wrong.

I pretended it wasn’t. I held out hope.

“When did you get back?”

“I entered the hearing range minutes ago. I heard the female twin tell her brother she was helping you with bandages. What happened, Ary?”

“Did you find him?” I ignored her question. “They’re saying he’s gone.”

I could feel her on the other end of the pathway now, drawing closer, but she was silent.

“Shera? Did you find him?”

“Yes.”