Page 198 of The Incendiary

I wasn’t sure I could fully forgive Eli, but he was, at least, my friend. Once, when this life first began, a friend had been more than I’d hoped for.

I knew I shouldn’t say no, but I couldn’t say yes, either.

What left my lips instead, in a pained, crackly whisper was, “I need… . ” I cleared my throat. “I need time. Can you give me that?”

Disappointment read plainly on his face. I couldn’t blame him.

“Yes,” he promised. “Whatever you need.”

Gratitude warmed my chest enough to give me the courage to embrace him. To try and meet him halfway. He held me back, his body hard, steady and warm. Just warm enough to keep me from crumbling.

Eventually, that was going to have to be enough.

FIFTY-SEVEN

ARYELLA

“I leave for two hours, and you end up with his mouth on you?”

I’d fallen asleep before Shera returned from her hunt, but when I told her what had transpired after she left, her response was a bit cruel. The next morning, so was the bright rising sun.

The latter was my fault. Last night, Elias went back to his own room, and I drank an entire bottle of wine. My mouth had been open through the night and was shrouded with uncomfortable, sticky dryness.

And I had never, in all my life, been so thirsty.

This was why Gavin had forced bread and water upon me that night before bed in Damond’s cabin. To save me from this.

I flinched and groaned at the loud knock on my door.

“Shit,” I mumbled, massaging my temples as the knock on the door grew more insistent. I shrugged a silk robe over my nightgown and dragged myself across the cool marble floor. “I’m coming, I’m coming.”

Please don’t be Elias.

“Are you… hungover?” asked Gemma after a few seconds of staring. She looked past me into the room, her eyes widening on the empty bottle of wine. “You are. Did you drink all of that?”

“Elias proposed to me.”

“Oh.” Gemma blew out with a low whistle and stepped inside. “And what did you say?”

“I told him I needed time.”

She nodded in understanding. “Ary, I can’t imagine the brutal and unfair range of emotions you’ve endured over the last eight months. And I know your heart is broken. But this”—she pointed to the empty wine bottle on the table—“cannot be how you cope.”

“I know,” I whispered dejectedly.

“It’s not what he would have wanted.”

My fingers rubbing my eyes made it feel like the room was spinning. I wished I could erase that sentence from existence. It’s not what he would have wanted. As if I didn’t spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about how the one thing he did want he never got to keep.

“We were invited to dinner again tonight, but⁠—”

“I want the book, and I want to go,” I objected, glancing out the open window. “Until then… It’s still early, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” She yawned. “I’ve already thrown up twice.”

I winced on her behalf. “Do you want to lie back down with me?”

“According to Finn, this baby makes me snore, so that’s really up to you.”