Page 57 of The Incendiary

But I was projecting my own fears. Not everyone had a false mother who’d made them feel like they needed to starve themselves to be desirable.

The twins turned in right after dinner to rest for tomorrow. On most nights, the cadets sparred in the courtyard until the sun set. While I normally went to the library, I’d made no progress in my research on blood oaths and how to break them, and I had nervous energy to burn. I hoped to be alone after the last of the stragglers left. Pummeling the sack of sand while sweat bled from my pores, hearing only the sound of my breathing in the great hall, sounded therapeutic.

“Fera.”

The hair on my neck spiked at the recognizable voice behind me. I turned to see Elias emerging from the shadows of the far end of the hall. He wasn’t even wearing a shirt. Sweat dampened his muscled body and plastered pieces of his thick, bronze hair to his forehead.

“Commander,” I greeted him boredly.

He casually strolled closer. “Are you ready for your first test tomorrow?”

I kept my eyes on him while drinking from my canteen. I didn’t trust him. “Do you care if I’m ready?”

He folded his toned arms across his bare chest and assessed me, annoyingly nonchalant. “You don’t give me enough credit.” His abs flexed with each breath. “Do you really think I want my cadets to fail?”

“I’m not yours,” I spat before I could stop myself, meaning those words to my core but knowing he might deduce I meant that I was someone else’s. I couldn’t let him know that was true.

“Pick up your blade,” Elias ordered in a biting tone.

“Why?”

“Because I’m your superior and I said so, Cadet.”

I bristled, torn between the desire to please others and the voice in my head that swore I wouldn’t do something just because this man told me to. Then, I fastened my hair back into a quick, messy bun before palming the hilt of my blade.

“Have you told anyone?” he asked, eyes narrowed.

I tilted my head at him, feigning confusion. “Have I told anyone what, Commander?”

“Good.” He gave a nod of approval and lifted his scabbard off the mat, unsheathing his blade with effortless grace. “Care to spar?”

I moved to walk past him. “No, thank you.”

He shifted, blocking my path. “What’s wrong, Fera? Scared my sword’s too big?”

“I don’t care how big your sword is,” I spat back. Still, I’d fallen for his trap. Blushing heat spread down my cheeks and neck while he laughed, striding closer. Four months ago, his crude innuendo might have gone over my head, but Damond had since educated me in the eloquent humor of men.

The closer he moved, the farther I backpedaled, until my boots felt the soft surface of the mat. I was assaulted by juniper and mint, once again wishing I didn’t recognize those scents as his.

“I think,” he said, stepping directly in front of me, “that you don’t want to admit that you like what you see.”

I scoffed and shook my head. Arrogant prick. But I could admire a beautiful sight when it was right in front of me. He was perfect. Too perfect.

Honestly, fuck this. If he wanted a fight, I’d give him one.

Elias grinned in victory while I drew the blade and shifted my stance to wield it, then stepped forward to rejoin him on the mat. My strength had about doubled, but this sword was heavier and longer than my usual short sword, which I’d lent Mina.

I lifted my sword and pointed it at him. “I’m not interested in whatever it is you’re trying to achieve.”

He circled me on the mat. “Denial is a stubborn thing, isn’t it?”

“You know,” I laughed, “I’ve been in denial before. This… isn’t it.”

I lunged forward with a short, controlled jab, nicking him lightly across the chest. He sucked in a hiss while a trickle of blood dripped down his expertly carved chest. He could kill me for that alone. I could dare him to try. With the way he pissed me off, I had the impulsive desire to sacrifice my deception and show him a piece of his sacred queen.

“That was unnecessary.” He stared down at the tiny wound.

“You’re the one who said, ‘sword up.’ ” I made a show of appearing unimpressed as I looked up and down his half-naked form. “Besides… you could use a few scars.”