Page 135 of Sorrow & Strangers

Rafe’s hands flex, drawing my attention. “The demon wants to hurt people. A lot,” he admits, and the darkness inside me lifts its head, reacting to his words.

“So do I.” I say the words so quietly they are barely a whisper, but they feel so liberating as they pass between my lips.

“What?” Rafe asks, and I feel his eyes on me.

“I want to hurt people.” My darkness stretches, and another wave of relief rolls through me.

“You do?” Rafe asks, and when I meet his gaze, he obviously sees the truth in my eyes.

“You know, Stranger killed the person who drugged Alice and me,” I say, and I feel my lips curling up just a little. “And the only thing I can think is . . .” I pause. The words are there. They are primed. Do I dare to release them? Yes. “I wish he’d let me watch,” I say, and I can hear the evil in my voice. It feels so deliciously exquisite to lean into that particular truth and embrace my darkness so completely that it shoves out all the light.

I meet Rafe’s gaze, and his eyes have turned completely black. His lips are parted, and his fangs have grown. The demon has come out to play, and he is reveling in my darkness, my aggression. My evil. I can’t stop it, and honestly, I really don’t want to.

“They drugged Alice and me, making us vulnerable. They made us victims.” I smile. “I hope it was slow. Painful.”

The table groans beneath Rafe’s hands, his claws slipping from his fingertips to splinter the wood beneath them.

The darkness rubs against me, its power intoxicating. Pain, sharp and bright, pulls me from my euphoric haze, and I look at Rafe’s hand around my forearm. Bright red blood trickles from around the claws he has sunk into my flesh.

“Sum . . .” Rafe says, his voice flickering between demonic and his normal tones.

I shake my head, trying to tear my way free of the comforting hold of my darkness. Pain rips through my arm again, the intensity of it this time bringing with it a clarity I couldn’t obtain on my own. Blood wets my skin, pooling on the table, warm and thick.

What have I done?

“Rafe. Breathe,” I say, ignoring the pain. If I struggle even a little bit, it could send him over the edge, and I would never forgive myself if I made him hurt me.

His eyes flash between pure black and his usual dark blue. He closes them tightly and shakes his head, and I watch as his horn nubs begin to grow.

“Breathe,” I say, biting back my groan of pain. “Control it, Rafe.”

Rafe snarls, a bead of sweat dripping down his face. He digs his claws deeper, and I feel them scraping against the bones in my arm. The pain and the nauseating sensation make stars speckle my vision.

“Control it,” I growl.

His whole body is shaking from the strain, from the struggle, and I can feel myself slipping into unconsciousness.

“Rafe. Now,” I manage to grate out.

He snarls again, but when he opens his eyes, I am relieved to see they are blue and starting to clear. “S-Sum . . .” his voice is once again his own. The pool of blood beneath my arm grows rapidly as he retracts his claws, leaving gaping holes in my torn skin.

He looks at me, his eyes full of panic, and I cup his cheek. I take deep, calming breaths, hoping he will follow my lead. He cannot be afraid of himself. This was my fault.

“I-I hurt you,” he says, his eyes trained on my arm, horror growing in his gaze.

I shake my head. “It was my fault. I went too hard. We’re going to have to work on this together.”

“Alice can make a salve,” he says, looking around frantically as if he expects to find her in the shadows.

I pull his face back to mine, making him look at me. “Rafe. I’m okay. I’m going to go clean myself up. You eat, and I’ll be back. Okay?”

Rafe swallows, but he nods. His hand is still on my arm, his hold almost too gentle, and I know he is reluctant to let me go.

“Rafe. I’m okay.”

Slowly, he releases me, and I smile softly at him. “I’ll be right back.”

I hurry up the stairs, leaving a trail of blood behind me. Alice leaves her room as I approach her door. Her hair is sticking out in all directions, but she looks like she just had the best nap of her life. She inhales deeply and focuses on my arm, but despite the blood, she doesn’t look hugely alarmed. I suppose this is a tiny amount of blood to someone who used to have a literal blood moat around her palace.