Page 16 of Sorrow & Strangers

Knowing how close and affectionate they usually are with each other, this must be very disconcerting for the boys.

“It should have been me.” I release the hideous truth once again, though this time possibly to someone who actually understands.

“Shut up,” Rafe says, an edge of anger once again behind his voice.

“How do we live without him?” I ask the only other person in all ‌the realms who may know the answer. How do we live without the only good thing about us?

“I don’t know,” Rafe admits.

I just shift closer to him, his warmth seeping into my side where we touch.

Rafe looks at me. One of his eyes is red thanks to a burst blood vessel that hasn’t healed yet. “Why is he gone?” Rafe asks.

The question is agonizing because I know the answer. “Because of me.”

Rafe shakes his head. “You are an idiot.”

“It is,” I say, bristling.

“No it’s not,” Rafe insists, and another tear falls from my eye. “I should have gone with him. The last thing I said to him was that I wouldn’t be his best man.”

Connor grins at me and strokes his thumb over the engagement ring sitting proudly on my finger. “Rafe is going to be my best man.”

I laugh, nuzzling his cheek. “If anyone can convince him, it’s you, big guy.”

He pulls me closer to him, that winning smile dazzling me for the thousandth time. “He’ll say no at first, but I’ll get him. I have a plan.”

The memory flashes through my mind, and my lips twitch. “He knew you’d say no.” Rafe winces at my words, so I continue. “He was planning this whole thing on Rae Field.” The memory burns, but the sting is bittersweet. “It was going to be like one of those stupid promposal things. He planned to ask you over and over until you said yes.”

Rafe groans, but there is ‌affection there. “I would have hated that.”

“He knew that.” I exhale a shaky breath as the memory fades, leaving grief to fill the gaping void left behind. “He loved you so much.” I turn my hand and lace our fingers.

“Fuck,” he says with so much emotion that even my soul shakes. “So stupid. Everyone is so stupid.” He pulls his hand from mine, and I mourn the loss of it, but then he pulls me to his side and kisses me on the head. “Don’t be an idiot. Okay?”

I nod and curl into him.

“Thank you for coming,” he whispers against the top of my head. “Tell me what happened.”

I frown.

“You think I don’t recognize Connor’s halo?”

I lift my arm and look at the halo. “Uriel said Connor came to him in a dream. He said that I wasn’t doing well, so your dad came to check on me.”

“That doesn’t explain this.” Rafe brushes his fingers over the halo, and I feel it vibrate softly.

“Connor wanted me to have it.”

“That makes sense.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

Rafe shakes his head. “That’s not for you to decide, Summer.”

I glance at him, and I feel an overwhelming amount of gratitude. “Thank you.” Rafe meets my gaze. “For saying that and for not hating me.”

His brows draw. “Why would I hate you?”