Page 235 of Sorrow & Strangers

“Not this morning,” he says. I can feel the anxiety buzzing around him, and I watch him as I take a long sip of my coffee.

He looks down at his own steaming cup. “I had an idea about going back,” he says, his voice tight.

“Oh?” I ask, feeling my anxiety ramping up thanks to his caginess.

“I want to ask the headmaster about a muzzle.”

“What?” I ask, tensing, not liking the sound of that at all.

Rafe looks at me, his eyes dull. The light in them has dulled a little more with every hour that he hasn’t heard from Mira. “I want safeguards.”

“A . . . muzzle?” I ask in shock. Muzzles are inhumane. They are diabolical.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Please tell me you’re joking,” I say, blinking at him.

“No,” he says, straightening a little and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Are you fucking crazy, Rafe?”

“What’s crazy is going back to school when I’m still . . .” He struggles to find the words. “Getting used to things. Asking for something to keep others safe is not insane.”

I cross my own arms. “You didn’t wear a muzzle at All Souls.”

“That was different,” he growls.

“How?”

“It wasn’t overwhelming like school is, and Mira . . .” He hesitates, pain flashing across his face.

“Mira?”

“I couldn’t think of much else when she was there,” Rafe says, his cheeks darkening.

“Yet you trusted yourself alone with her.” I know it’s unfair, and especially cruel to bring her up like this, but he cares for her. He wouldn’t have risked her.

“It’s not the same,” Rafe growls back.

“How?”

“It’s just not!” Rafe says, his voice getting louder.

“Yes, it is,” I push back. “Not only did you allow yourself to be alone with her, but you fucked her and let your inhibitions lower with her.”

“And she’s blown me off,” he snarls.

I soften a little. “First of all, you don’t know that. Second of all, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying you fucked her and you didn’t worry that you’d eat her or whatever you’re worried about.”

“Because it was Mira,” he snarls again, this time louder.

“The fuck does that mean?”

“Stop changing the subject. I want safeguards,” Rafe insists, pushing away from the counter.

“Not that one. You will not muzzle yourself, Rafe.”

“I’m dangerous. Demons eat people. I eat people.”