Page 249 of Sorrow & Strangers

I can maintain this facade of strength when facing Rafe, but when Alice wraps her small arm around me, and her sweet, chaotic presence surrounds me, I can’t hold back a soft whimper.

“I’ve fucked everything up,” I say in barely a whisper. These aren’t words I wanted Rafe to hear, but they slipped free on a breath and with them the grief of the night. This is my mess. I will clean it up. Somehow.

Instead of Rafe flying into a rage as I expected, he stands up and bends to wrap his strong arms around both of us.

“Ruined everything. Broken everything,” I sob. Since I got here, it’s all I’m able to do. Break rules, break hearts, break the Morningstars, break the stranger.

“Summer, no.” Alice hushes me, kissing the top of my head. “You’re here with us. Nothing is ruined.”

“He hates me,” I whimper, the sobs getting caught in my throat. “He hates me, and it’s all my fault.”

“Who hates you?” Rafe asks.

I shake my head, my heart aching with every beat. This feels so wrong and so foreign. I pull back. “I need a minute.”

Alice nods and pulls back to cup my cheek. Rafe hesitates but eventually lets me go. Pushing away from the table, I hurry to my room and grab my phone. There are no messages from the stranger, and my heart aches at that, but maybe it’s not too late. I let Max get too close, but it’s the stranger I want.

Summer

I’m sorry.

I press send, my heart racing in my chest as I wait for a reply, but none comes. I wait one minute, two, three, four. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Alice knocks softly, and I look up to see her pixie-like face peeking around the door. “You okay?”

“I’ll be right down,” I say, my voice raw.

“It’s been over an hour, Summer.”

Another tear falls, and I look down at my unanswered message before throwing my phone to the side. I’ve fucked everything up because of my fear. Alice crawls into bed with me and opens her arms for me. I fall against her, and this time I don’t try to hold back the tears.

“I’m sorry. This is supposed to be my night consoling you,” I say through the sobs.

Alice shakes her head. “We’re comforting each other instead.” She nuzzles my head. “You’ve never messed anything up, Sum. Not ever.”

“But I have,” I whisper. “Something huge.”

Alice kisses my head, and we lie in silence for a while. The only sign of the time passing is the moonlight moving across my floor, and eventually I drift off.

Chapter One Hundred Two

The Stranger

He kissed me. He kissed me. He kissed me.

The words bang around my skull, a litany of accusations, of truths. He kissed me, and you can’t. She promised that would be for us. She asked me to wait. And yet . . .

The room around me stands in a state of suspended animation, frozen on the verge of exploding from my power, frantically trying to repair the damage again, even as another volley is unleashed.

Even as I rage against her, I rage against myself more. I put genuine fear into her eyes today. I let my anger and jealousy take hold to the point I saw nothing, and she was scared. Of me.

The room rights itself again.

My gut twists at the memory, clarity slowly chiseling its way through the fury. She tried to say something else, but I didn’t want to listen. Couldn’t listen.

I wave my hand, pulling up my various surveillance spells until I find the right moment and force myself to watch. The berserker leans in, and she pulls back. She didn’t initiate. She didn’t continue the kiss.

He kissed me. I didn’t kiss him back.