Page 27 of Sorrow & Strangers

I repeat the words over and over as I walk through the living room, leaving a still-sleeping Alice. Once outside, I skip down the steps and push into a run. The sun has already warmed the morning air, and I try to settle into a rhythm, but as I chant my internal mantra about being safe, a lingering feeling niggles at the back of my mind.

Am I safe? Torin is still out there, though there has been no sign of him in months. This is the longest he’s been absent. No, not absent, just hidden. I knew I would never truly be free of him, not until one of us was dead. Then there was Aqua, who had mentioned other like-minded individuals who also wanted to see my demise. She could have been making that up or even imagining it. She wasn’t exactly mentally stable, given that she was attempting to make a Summer skin-suit to live as me.

I shake my head again and try to focus on my breathing, the birds singing high in the trees, and the way the flowers have opened to show their faces to the sun. When that fails, I notice my legs feel like lead and jelly simultaneously, and my lungs feel tight. I have become decidedly unfit thanks to months of rotting in that dark pit of despair.

I have no destination in mind, but I suddenly realize that I am following the path that leads to the gym and stumble to a stop. I may not know where I’m going, but I know one of the last things in this world I want is to see Maximillian Romulus’s face.

Deliberately changing course, I pay more attention and set a course that will have me circling the quad. I try to lose myself in the run, but I feel so sluggish. I’m unsure whether it’s purely due to my new lack of fitness or to last night’s nightmare. It takes what feels like an eternity, but I eventually feel the tingle of endorphins.

My cheeks burn and my lungs ache with every labored breath, the sound of my blood pumping loud in my ears. My body is struggling with the sudden exertion, and I am distracted enough that I don’t notice when someone approaches from the side. He clears his throat, gently alerting me to his presence so as not to startle me. I glance over, seeing Headmaster Emrys’s large frame running alongside me. He is actively trying to keep pace with me, and I focus ahead again, pushing myself a little more.

The last time I saw him, I was broken, a crushed shell of a being, and now? I’m still broken, but I’m slowly trying to glue myself back together. I am not doing so for my sake, but for my family’s. The family that needs me. It’s what Connor would have wanted.

I increase my speed, for some reason not wanting to seem weak in front of the headmaster. His hard silver gaze lands on me. Is he . . . challenging me? I can’t tell for sure, but I push myself even harder, running as fast as I can. He matches my pace, though I can tell he’s still holding back, and I have absolutely no idea why.

We breeze between two trees, and by some unspoken agreement, we slow to a stop. He’s barely winded, but I bend and brace my hands on my thighs, struggling to regain the oxygen that has abandoned my lungs.

He keeps watching me, and when I look up at him, his arms are crossed over his chest. “You decided to live.” I glance away, unable to hold his icy stare. “I’m glad,” he says.

Surprised, I straighten and meet his gaze again.

“I take it your time in Eden was . . . healing?” he asks. I wonder briefly how he knows, but no doubt the faculty was tracking my prolonged absence. Then another concern hits me like a train. Have I missed too much to be allowed back?

“It was,” I reply, unsure how to ask about my standing at Avalon, afraid of the answer. But then another question pops into my mind, and I look down at my hand, my thumb sliding over my ring finger. “Do you have it?”

With his cold gaze still on me, he assesses me. “Have what?” he asks.

“My ring.” My engagement ring. I had asked him to retrieve it for me. The hours, days, months since Connor’s death seem to have blurred into a mess of sadness, but I remember that visit. It was the same night it happened, and I was still covered in blood, my wounds uncared for. I wouldn’t let anyone come near me.

The headmaster enters the house, and I look up at him. His face is grave, sullen . . . angry. His eyes lock on me. The tears have stopped. They stopped a while ago, and only numbness remains.

“Miss Tuatha De Daanan⁠—”

“Did you kill her?” I interrupt, my voice raw from screaming.

He nods once, his eyes never leaving mine, and I hold his gaze easily right now.

“I hope it was slow, agonizing.” I don’t even recognize my voice, the venom warping it, but there is something sharply sweet about the words.

He watches me for a long moment until I feel the scald of someone’s hands on my arm, and I snarl, yanking away. I whirl on my attacker and see Alice’s brown eyes on me. They’re shining with pain and wide with terror. At least, I think that’s what it is.

Good, she should be afraid of me.

I turn and start up the stairs. “I want my ring off her finger, and I don’t care if you have to rip it off.”

His eyes harden, and I wonder if he is remembering how evil I seemed, how spiteful. That night, they saw a shadow of the darkness that writhes within me, and they were all terrified. I was only able to unlock a fraction of what I possess in that moment, and I wonder how they would feel beneath the full weight of my power unleashed.

“It’s in my office.”

I nod. “I’d like it back.”

He thinks for a moment. “Will you be attending class tomorrow?” he asks, unwittingly answering my unasked question.

“I think so,” I reply. Honestly, I hadn’t considered it. I planned to start attending classes again, but truthfully, the thought fills me with dread. It is one thing to plan to attend, another to actually do it.

“Come to my office before.”

I nod, hoping that the thought of getting my engagement ring back will be enough of an impetus. Either that, or it will feed my anxiety and heighten my trepidation.