Page 277 of Sorrow & Strangers

I watch him carefully, but even after everything, I’m not afraid of him.

“Less than five hours. That’s all it took,” he says, turning away from me.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, frowning.

He whirls on me. “You went from my bed to . . .” He chokes on the last word, and the trees start to wither under the immensity of his power.

“You have no right to⁠—”

“I know that!” he snarls. “Did you come here to rub it in my face? Is this more punishment?”

“To rub it in your face?” I snarl back. I came here because I fucking needed him.

“That I have no right to be upset?” he hisses, and I’m not sure when it happened, but he’s right in front of me, looming over me. “To be enraged?!”

“And yet you are. Not even five hours after we discussed this,” I throw back at him, my voice as loud and powerful as his. “After we decided to be friends.”

“You called me here. I said it wasn’t a good idea.”

“Because I . . .” I shake my head, my voice quieter now. “Fuck, you’re right. How dare I need my friend?”

He snarls again, the sound steeped in venom. “We were never friends. We can never be friends.”

“You agreed to it!”

He pants, more of his power radiating from him. “Because I am fucking in love with you!”

My breath hitches, every scrap of anger completely extinguished.

“I’d agree to anything to be near you!” he yells, his power becoming more volatile.

I just stare at him, paralyzed by the words. The stranger tenses, obviously just realizing what he said. He stops and stares at me, his chest heaving. His power was a chaotic storm just a few moments ago. Now it’s rippling from him in calm waves. He takes a step back, his anger by no means extinguished. It’s just been muted a little by the shock.

“Stranger—”

“What is it that makes you cling to someone that you know is not the one for you?”

“Do you think this is easy for me?” I say, looking away.

His breaths are ragged, fueled by emotion. “How could it not be?”

I scoff. “You think it’s easy for me to be around you? To . . .” I close my eyes and shake my head, releasing a shaky breath. “With every thought of you, I feel the deepest of betrayals.” I open my eyes again to find him watching me intently, and in this moment, with our shared anger, vulnerability, and needs, I feel the lie I’ve been holding on to with all my will start to unravel. The one I’ve been holding on to since I met him. “With every craving, with every desire, it’s like claws down my spine.”

His eyes flash through his avatar, almost as if they’re trying to burn through it.

“From the minute I felt your eyes on me, you owned a fucking part of me. A part that ached and throbbed whenever I was with Connor.” I shake my head. The guilt is so overwhelming, but I can’t stop, even if I wanted to. This is why I held on to the lie so tightly, because I knew once I started, all my defenses would turn to ash. “I knew something was missing.” I swallow. “My darkness swirls for you. It craves you.” I look away. “I desperately crave you. But I can’t . . .”

“So you pretend,” he says, his avatar flickering. This time, it’s not just his eyes, and I realize he’s struggling to hold on to it. “You lash out, and I am the convenient target.”

Anger flares inside me. “You are the thing I need to resist, and it’s fucking torture,” I snarl. “Because from the second I first felt your eyes on me, I have been falling.” No, no, no, stop now. But I can’t. “I was falling when I was with Connor. When I was engaged. When I was planning my marriage.” My heart splinters. “When my world shattered into fucking pieces.” A tear slides down my cheek. “And now the only way I can repent is to resist. The only way to honor Connor and what we had⁠—”

“Repent?” he says, recoiling from the word. “You see me as something you need to atone for?”

“Yes.” Another tear falls. “Because I was fucking falling in love with you when⁠—”

He storms toward me, muting me by slamming his lips to mine. At first, it’s the avatar, but then, there are the lips I have been dreaming about since All Souls, and it’s as if they have imprinted on mine. I sob softly as he kisses me. There is the lingering taste of salt from my tears, but there is also the overwhelmingly perfect taste of him.

He tunnels his fingers into my hair and deepens the kiss. His tongue tangles with mine, and I melt against him as he devours my mouth. He pulls back, and when he does, the avatar is once again fixed over his lips. He yanks my hair, forcing me to look up at him.