Page 44 of Sorrow & Strangers

Leo pulls his hands back as if they’ve been burned and moves them under the table, out of sight. “Never.”

That was an interesting reaction. I thought shifters were desperate to shift, to reach maturity. Most animal shifters can access their magic before their first shift, though not to its full potential. From what I have learned in all my reading, it’s something they desperately wait for.

Unless . . .

“I have no intention of shifting. Ever,” he says, his jaw tight.

Alice frowns, swallowing a gulp of blood. “I didn’t think it was a choice.”

I watch him for a moment, feeling a spark of fellowship for this shifter. “You’re not the only one here who hates their species, kid,” I say and stand up, the alienation I know all too well swelling inside me. “Welcome to Avalon.”

Pain surges inside ‌me as I leave the cafeteria, and I walk until I find an empty corridor. Leaning back against the wall, I take a deep breath, needing a moment of solitude. I need a moment to mourn Connor, a moment to hate myself, a moment to hate my species.

“Summer?”

I curse under my breath. My moment has been interrupted, and not by the one person I would want to be here. Instead, it’s Max. I squeeze my eyes closed, and his heat seeps into me as he comes to a stop in front of me.

“Look at me. You’re not breathing.”

I blink my eyes open, and it takes a second to focus on him before I notice the tight feeling in my chest. I wasn’t breathing. Max braces his hands on my upper arms, his brown eyes centering me.

“You’re having a panic attack,” he says calmly. Am I? How did I not realize? How did it come on so quickly?

Max takes a deep breath and squeezes my arms, instructing me to follow him. We hold our breaths for a long moment, and then when he exhales, so do I. My chest is so tight, and my head swims. Is this the moment? Am I going to die? Be with Connor again? I take another breath, but it doesn’t fill my lungs, and I grasp Max’s shirt, needing something, anything to save me.

“Okay. You’re okay. Hold your breath. I’ll hold mine too.”

My lungs stutter as I try to inhale, my fists tightening on his shirt. I try to tamp down my panic, holding my breath. Max does the same, then releases it loudly, encouraging me to do the same. It takes ten full breaths before the tightness eases, and I sag against the wall. Max just watches me, waiting for me to come down from it.

I exhale heavily. “Fuck.”

“Have those often?” Max asks.

I look away. “Sometimes.” Since Connor died, they’re fairly frequent, but I didn’t even feel this one coming on, and I have no idea what caused it.

“How often, Sum?” Max asks, brushing his thumb over my arm.

This is too intimate, and he is too close.

“I have to go, Max.”

Max nods and pulls back. “As long as you’re good.”

I push off the wall and walk away, feeling like an asshole but unsure what else to do.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Summer

Max sighs heavily behind me. “You going to keep blowing me off?”

I stop in my tracks and glance at him over my shoulder. “What?”

“Why do you get so weird around me? Just cause we fucked a couple of times?” he asks.

I look around, checking to make sure no one heard, but it’s just us in the corridor, and even if they did hear, so what?

“Max, I . . .” I turn to face him, unsure what to say.