Page 5 of Sorrow & Strangers

I try to rebuild the dream, but exhaustion tugs at me. I didn’t realize that building this dream took so much of me every night. With exhaustion, the anger completely dissipates. It’s barely a flicker of an ember now, and the sadness seeps back in, drowning me.

“Get out,” I whisper, hating how broken my pleading sounds, and I long for that fire back.

“Stop pretending to be weak,” he snarls viciously.

I close my eyes and focus on the dream again. When I open my eyes, it’s fractured and broken, but the scene starts playing out again.

“Get out,” I repeat, watching Connor appear at the mouth of the cave. The familiar panic sets in at the sight of his handsome face shrouded by the darkness of the cave.

“Fight.”

Aqua’s laugh is haunting, echoing around us.

“Fight!” the intruder demands again, his tone fierce.

Aqua appears behind Connor, and the wet, sickly sound plunges directly into my heart as she stabs him. His scream shatters my soul, and I choke back a sob.

He grabs my jaw and yanks my face toward his. It’s the first time in months that I’ve seen his featureless face, his large body looming over me.

“Fight,” the stranger hisses at me.

I close my eyes, leaning into the pain, even pushing my face into his grip a little.

“Did you even love him?” the stranger asks, venom lacing his words.

“Get out.”

I feel a blade piercing my back, right into my spine, and my legs go numb. Once again, Aqua is thrown back against the wall, and the stranger snakes his free hand around my back, holding me easily. I feel him painting a rune on my skin, and the pain fades.

“You will not harm yourself with me. I will not allow it.” He pulls me closer, his powerful body pressed against mine, but all I feel is despair. Do I long to feel hatred? Perhaps. But as I’ve just realized, the anger burns bright and fast, and the second it is ousted, the absence of the fire is so much more noticeable, leaving only the hollowness of devastation.

I shove away from him. “Get away from me,” I growl, but even I know it sounds pathetic. He releases me, but I know if he hadn’t allowed it, I wouldn’t have been able to escape him.

“Fight,” he says once more, and this time, instead of trying to rebuild the dream, instead of even fighting back against him, I wake up.

Tiredness claws at me, and my face is wet from the tears spilled in my sleep.

The entire room is cloaked in darkness, with the only light coming from the silvery moon. I glance at Alice, who is sleeping peacefully next to me. She needs it too. She hasn’t been sleeping either. As if she can hear my thoughts, she curls into me more, trying to provide comfort even in sleep.

I don’t want comfort. I don’t deserve it.

I don’t deserve happiness. I don’t deserve love or light.

I deserve to be lonely. I should never have come here. Connor would still be alive if I had never come here. He would have married a pretty angel with white wings. He would have his own Legion.

It’s my fault.

It should have been me.

I should have let Torin find me.

I should have died.

I climb out of bed and go downstairs to look for a distraction. Something catches my eye from the window, and I walk to it, looking out at the porch. For the first time in a very, very long time, I feel his eyes on me.

Chapter Four

The Stranger