Page 51 of Sorrow & Strangers

Miss him? Is he serious?

I pull back and cup his cheeks. My gaze flies over every dip and curve of his face, trying to memorize every single inch of him. “You’re . . . here . . .” I whisper.

Connor smiles and kisses the tip of my nose, my cheeks, my eyes. “I’m here.”

Tears fill my eyes, infuriating me as they blur my vision. I need to be able to see him, to look at him forever, and I don’t want anything to impede my sight. Blinking, I try to clear my eyes, but even as the tears fall, more form. “I missed you so fucking much,” I say, my voice thick with emotion.

Connor leans in and brushes his lips over mine, moaning softly. I whimper and deepen the kiss, the taste of my tears mingling with the perfect taste of Connor. He groans and digs his fingers into me as my tongue slides over his, holding me tighter to him.

“I love you,” I whisper into his lips, unable to stop, needing more of him, all of him, forever, but I know deep down that this will not be forever.

“I love you too.” He deepens the kiss, and I tighten my fingers in his hair.

“How are you here?” I ask against his lips. I tried to push the question down, not wanting to mar this moment with stupid technicalities, but something inside me forces it out.

Connor pulls back and cups my cheek, staring down at me as if he is trying to memorize me. “We get a special chance to say goodbye.”

I don’t know what I was expecting, but that stifling pain penetrates again. I never got to say goodbye last time, not really, but even given the chance, would I have been able to?

“Goodbye? Con⁠—”

Connor kisses me again, interrupting me. “I missed you. I’ve been watching you,” he says against my lips.

Guilt and the beginnings of panic lock my muscles, and I pull away from his lips. I expect to see anger and disappointment in his eyes, but there is only that kind smile.

He chuckles softly. “You didn’t keep your promise.”

My promise.

“You must hate me,” I say, bursting into tears. “I know I shouldn’t have. Connor, I am so sorry. I don’t even know how it happened,” I blurt out, completely inconsolable, guilt clawing down my spine painfully.

Connor lifts my chin, forcing me to look at him. Again, I expect to see disappointment, but his eyes are gentle and glowing with joy.

“Babe. What are you talking about?”

A small sob escapes me before I can speak the truth into existence. “I slept with Max. More than once.” I’m awful. I’m an awful cheater, and I deserve⁠—

“I know,” Connor slides his thumb along my jaw. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“You . . . know?” I ask, feeling all the blood drain from my face.

“I’ve been watching you. I’m your guardian angel,” he says, his chin raised in a way that makes it seem that he’s proud of the position.

I sob again, burying my face into his neck. “I’m so sorry. I’m just . . . lost. I didn’t mean to⁠—”

“Babe,” Connor says, interrupting me again. “I’m gone.”

He’s gone. Oh, gods . . . the pain of hearing him say that.

“You promised you would move on,” he continues. “You have so much more life to live. Don’t waste it on a dead male.”

A dead male? How can he make himself sound so inconsequential?

I pull back. “Con.”

“Your life isn’t done. Far from it. You cannot stop living.”

I shake my head. “I just want you. For always.”