Page 54 of Sorrow & Strangers

“Stop making it sound like it was a chore for me to love you. It was as easy as breathing. Easiest thing I’ve ever done,” Connor whispers.

My hand tightens around his thick wrist, and I look away.

“Tell me the promises.”

I lock my gaze with his, trying to memorize the beauty of his eyes. “Watch out for Rafe.”

“And?” he prompts.

“Live my life.” I swallow the lump in my throat and qualify. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean with anyone else.”

“Babe . . .” Connor drags the word out.

“It’s the best I can give you, Con.”

Connor sighs and cups my cheek again. “You have an incredible future, Summer Tuatha De Daanan. I’ll be there watching over you.” He brushes his fingers over the halo on my wrist. “I love you, and I am always proud of you.”

“I love you. You saved me,” I say, leaning into his hand. “In more ways than one.”

The dream starts to rock, and I know it’s coming to an end. I can sense it somewhere deep in my soul, and I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready. Tangling my fingers in his hair, I kiss him deeply.

“It’s time,” he whispers against my lips.

“You have given me so much, Connor. I wish I could have married you, given you babies. We would have been so happy.”

Connor starts to fade. “It’s time to let go of the past . . . I will always love you.”

“I love you.”

Then, with one last look at that heartbreaking smile, Connor Azrael Morningstar is gone.

He’s gone.

Chapter Thirty

Rafe

Mom smells like lemons and sugar, and I would bet anything that she was in the kitchen making lemon bars again. She does that when she’s feeling anxious about me, and she’s made lemon bars every other day this week. She’ll probably be making more too.

I pull back and look down at her. I think it is the first time I’ve really looked at her since I was thirteen. Her eyes search mine, trying to read my expression, trying to understand my motive for pulling her into a hug. Surely, I’ve hugged her over the years. I had to have. She’s my mom. I must have, but by the way her lip trembles with emotion, it must not have been often, or at all. I look at my dad over her head, seeing the surprise in his gaze when I meet his eyes. They are so like my own, but mine carry a darkness that his never will. I know it has been years since I have been able to hold his gaze. It was just easier to avoid looking into those all-seeing, all-knowing eyes. They saw my every flaw and shortcoming, somehow magnifying them without words.

“I love you, Mom, Dad,” I whisper. The words are clunky and foreign on my tongue, and I fumble them from lack of use.

My mom’s dark eyes widen and fill with tears. “We love you too, Rafey.”

My dad nods, putting an arm around her reassuringly, ready to catch her if she faints from the surprise. “We love you very much,” he affirms, and even his eyes are slightly glossed with emotion.

I give them a small smile and glance at the twins and Luke sitting in the living room. All three of them are carefully pretending to be engrossed in the television and not in the conversation between my parents and me. They are awful at it. Zane clearly panicked and is miming braiding his leg hairs, no doubt the first thing he could think of. Idiot.

For a moment I just stand, breathing in the scene and remembering the person who should be here, acknowledging the specter of grief that lies over this house, this realm. I don’t look at my parents again as I walk away, heading back to my room.

Inside my room, I sit on the bed, my back to the closed door. I stare out the window at the view of the silver city, knowing I will never see it again. It is probably better that I don’t. The bed dips slightly next to me, and I don’t have to look to know who it is.

“Is she with him now?” I ask, not looking at her, staring out at the marvelous levels of clouds and silver in front of me.

“She is,” my grandmother answers. “They have their chance, as you asked.”

“A chance to say goodbye,” I say and stand up, moving toward the window without looking away from the view. “She needs it.”