Page 9 of Sorrow & Strangers

“Not yet.”

Alice glances at the plate of completely untouched waffles, and I can feel her disappointment. She sits on the edge of the couch and reaches for the fork. Cutting a piece of waffle, she lifts it to my lips. “One bite, please.”

I shake my head.

“Please. Please, Summer,” she pleads. I should feel guilty. I should feel awful for causing her this hurt, but all I feel is numb brokenness.

I close my eyes. “I need sleep.”

“I stopped by the alchemy lab. I got a sleeping draft, nightmare-free. It’s good for a night.”

I open my eyes and look at Alice. Her worried gaze makes my heart squeeze, and I place my hand on her arm in thanks. She places her hand over mine, and with her other hand, she brushes one of my tears away.

“I should have some water,” I concede. While Alice has managed to get some water into me, it’s not nearly enough, and the bottle of water she left for me remains untouched. Alice brightens a little, and it breaks my heart how such a small gesture eases her burden.

I shift, sitting up, and she hands me the bottle.

“I picked up your books and assignments,” she says. I take a sip of water, even though I don’t feel like I deserve it. “Also . . . I think I’ve picked my major.” A small smile graces her lips, and it almost startles me. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her smile. “Alchemy. I like the poison stuff.”

It surprises me at first, but I actually think it fits her. The only class she cared about last year was Alchemy 101, and she loves plants and herbology. It’s the only textbook I’ve ever seen her actually read.

I try to smile in support, though given that Alice’s slight smile has morphed back into the familiar expression of concern, I’m not sure I’m successful.

She shrugs and looks down at her lap. “Yeah, better than Realm Affairs.”

Say something, Summer. Say anything encouraging. She needs this. But there are no words, and I can’t force them from my throat.

“So . . . that’s something,” she continues, obviously feeling defeated.

Say something. Say anything.

“I’m happy for you,” I say, but my tone is so dead and flat that I know I’d have been better off not saying anything at all. “I should shower,” I say, and the words extinguish any semblance of happiness in Alice.

“Right.”

I reach out and cup Alice’s cheek, and she looks at me. I have no words, no comfort to give, but she relaxes into my touch. Her lips curve ever so slightly, and her eyes look lighter.

I stand up from the couch, my limbs aching and stiff, but I lean into the unpleasant feeling as I walk upstairs to shower.

Then I climb into bed, down the potion Alice brought for me, and immediately fall into a dreamless black sleep.

Chapter Six

The Stranger

Last time she had a monster in her closet, I enjoyed torturing him for months. I hunted him until he had nowhere to hide in all the realms, nowhere he could go to escape my anger. Months of terror I gave him in exchange for the years he had forced upon her. Now she’s wasting away in front of me. Her eyes are sunken, with dark circles etched permanently beneath them.

If she dies, the realms will follow. I will not let anyone live in a place where she does not exist. As if they could ever deserve such a thing. As if I could ever deserve such a thing.

So, I’ll be in her dreams. I’ll demand she fights, demand she lives. Because I won’t go back to what it was like before.

My heart stopped beating over four hundred years ago. After I’d stopped the hearts of so many others, it was fitting that mine had slowed to become barely perceptible. It never raced, never hammered, never . . . lived. I was as dead as the corpses I’d left behind me, fitting for someone known as the Hand of Life and Death.

Then I saw her, and my heart thudded so loudly that I thought there had been an explosion nearby. I will not go back to that walking death, and I will not allow her to stay in this place of agony and regret.

Lying back on my bed, I relax and reach for her in dreams, searching for the sense of her through the void. I jolt up when I feel nothing. No, no, no. My once-dead heart slams against my chest as I wave my hand, pulling up the security spells I have around her house. I flip through them to find her, exhaling softly in relief when I see her sleeping with her vampire. They are curled together, and one of them is snoring loudly.

Why can’t I access her dreams? She can’t have learned to keep me out in a single night. That takes years of practice. So why⁠—