Page 73 of Fractured Memories

Parker made that much clear when I was in the camp. Not Damian, though. He was quiet, withdrawn. When he did mention the Elites, it was clear there was more history there than Parker’s grievances and a life in the valley.

She flicks a strand of hair out of her face. “Among other things. I think it’s about control. Power. Like most things. They claim to hate the mafia but launch attacks that hurt innocent people while getting pissed at Kieran for doing the same.” She blows out a breath. “I’ll be honest, I have no problem killing someone. None of us do. We protect each other. But it pisses me off that they are no better and act as if they are.”

I digest that. I won’t pretend I have any moral code. I’ve understood that for a while now. I like bloodshed, have no qualms about killing someone, and don’t give a fuck if other people think it’s unfair that Kieran lives up in this mountain. Maybe that’s why I never found any empathy around the rebels—because I didn’t agree with a word out of their mouths.

Maybe there are people in the city that care about fairness. That think Kieran should act differently. But I’m not one of them. That became glaringly obvious at the cages when I wanted to fight my way onto the mat, when I got turned on at the thought of watching Kieran kill, when we fucked hard that night after he painted such an illicit image in my mind.

Maybe I’m fucked up. But this whole city is, and I don’t want it any other way.

“Is that why they came after me?” I’m certain that Mika will know what happened that day.

When she’s silent for too long, I look over to see her eyes assessing me. “We don’t know why they did. We assume it was to distract Kieran, that their ultimate goal is getting rid of the Elite. But Kieran didn’t exactly negotiate to get you back, and Lochlan didn’t ask questions before he killed everyone he got his hands on.”

That almost makes me laugh. “Do you know what happened? I obviously know I woke up there, but I don’t know how I ended up there.”

“Do you think maybe you and Kieran should have this conversation?”

I shake my head. “I don’t want him to be reminded.” Looking back on the day he found me, he was devastated. I can’t ask him to recount what happened to cause him to lose his wife.

That makes Mika’s gaze soften with understanding. “He probably wouldn’t talk about it,” she whispers. Sighing, she continues, “Jude was with you that day. There had been increasing rebel attacks, to the point that even Rohan and Lochlan were getting stressed about it. When a guard told Jude that they had captured a rebel, you insisted you go interrogate him, wanting to help Kieran stop the constant problems.

“Jude agreed to take you, and you were ambushed in the interrogation rooms. He lost sight of you, and by the time they got reinforcements, you were gone.”

Her words feel familiar. They tug at a memory, but then pain lances up the back of my head. I clutch the spot, and Mika’s eyes track the movement.

“Kieran thought they were going to kill you,” she admits. “He barely held it together. He had guards combing the woods every day until movement was reported. Then, he led everyone out there to get you back.” She frowns, her voice softening a little. “But none of us know how they took your memories or why.”

It feels like there are gaps there we haven’t filled in. I understand targeting me as Kieran’s wife, but taking my memories doesn’t seem in line with anything I’ve heard about the rebels. Nolan told me he didn’t see any signs of trauma to my brain that would have caused it, so it seems like it was intentional.

“They told me I was one of them.” I hadn’t told anyone that yet. At first, I didn’t trust Nolan or Kieran enough to, and as I got closer to everyone, we started to leave the past alone. “That I had lived in the camp, that I had friends there.”

Mika’s eyes close as she exhales. “Which is why you didn’t trust what we said.”

“I was being told two completely opposite stories, and I had no memories to rely on.”

She loops her arm through mine, tugging me into her. “And yet, I was the one that won you over.”

I giggle at that. “Yes, you were.” She gives me a grin, but it’s a little strained. Like she’s holding something back. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m only telling you this because I know you’d want to know.” She glances back at the house before continuing. “You and Jude used to spend every day together. He was the only one who knew about you and Kieran for months. And he was the one who lost you.” Pain laces her tone. “It’s killed him ever since. He feels so guilty, and I don’t think he’s forgiven himself. I’m not sure he ever will.”

My chest aches at that. Jude has rarely interacted with me, and I thought that maybe he was just like Rohan and reserved. But now, the way he’s looked at me—especially those first few days—makes so much sense.

“I’d never blame him.”

“I know.” I spot someone coming down the hall through the glass doors. “But he blames himself, and I thought you should know.”

Mika flashes me another smile as the doors open, pulling away. I see the sorrow she’s trying to hide, and I realize that it’s because of the sadness her husband has been feeling. I’ve worked to rebuild my relationships with Lochlan and Rohan, have been trying to reclaim the pieces of who I was. But there have been moments that make more sense now—because I’m still missing a member of my family.

“Am I interrupting?” Kieran drawls, though his lips curl at the edges. He’s teasing, and I find that expression so sexy.

“I was just leaving.” Mika picks up her robe, pausing to pat Kieran’s shoulder. “I won’t make you compete with me for her attention. You’d lose.”

He narrows his eyes at her, and I giggle. That only has his green gaze flicking to me. “Is that true?”

I fight a smile. “We both know you don’t want to hear the answer to that.”

Mika’s laugh echoes behind her as she stalks off, but Kieran’s gaze never leaves me.