Page 110 of Mac Meyers Needs Me

“How do you feel now that you’re out there?” Enid asks.

“It was overwhelming at first, but having all of you there helped a lot. Now that the stress of it is over, I’m excited to really own my work.”

“It’s freeing, isn’t it,” Cammie says.

“And affirming.” For a long time, I’ve been protective of my art. It’s strongly connected to my mom and her memory, and I wanted to keep it close. But sharing it makes me feel even closer to her, and I don’t want to hide myself anymore.

“We’re so glad you took the leap.” Tally bumps my shoulder.

I glance over to where Mac was sitting a few minutes ago, thinking it might be time to take another leap of faith, but he’s not there anymore. Disappointment washes over me for a moment until he returns carrying a huge box. He sets it on the kitchen table and motions me over. “We need you over here, Ophelia.”

I narrow one eye at him even as my heart stutters. “What’s this?” I tap the lid.

He pulls out the chair in front of him. “Come find out.”

I slide into the seat as our friends gather around the table, all of them smiling.

“We’re super proud of you, Fee,” Cammie says.

“We know it takes a lot of guts to share your art, and we’re so glad other people get to experience your talent.” Mac settles a gentle hand on my shoulder and flips the lid open.

Inside the box is a huge cake with CONGRATULATIONS! scrawled across it. Beneath the lettering is a scrapbook style collage of my art that mirrors the ones under the bunting and Mac’s bedroom. “You guys! This is amazing!”

“Mac took all your art and had a sugar overlay made. One of Rix’s friends made the cake,” Cammie explains.

“We need photos!” If there’s anything I’ve learned from losing my parents, it’s that snapshots of my world and my friends are wildly, unequivocally essential.

My friends gather around me and I grab Mac’s hand, pulling him next to me. I duck under his arm, and he curves it around my shoulder. I smile up at him, loving how good it feels to be close to him again. “Thank you for this.”

“I just wanted you to know how special you are.”

It’s only been a handful of days, but I’ve missed him. Despite the scary unknowns, I don’t want to push him away.

“Say cheese!” Todd calls out and we smile for the camera, my whole group surrounding me. I feel so fortunate to have such amazing friends and a twinge of sadness hits me, because so many of them are graduating at the end of the semester. But I promise myself that I’ll enjoy the ride.

Mac passes me an unreasonably large slice, and I only manage to eat half of it, but I’m unwilling to give it up because the cake has almost been completely devoured.

“Why don’t we put Saran Wrap on it and hide it in the fridge in my room?” Mac suggests, looking hopeful.

“That’s a great idea.” He grabs the plastic wrap and laces our fingers, guiding me upstairs.

“Can I close the door?” he asks once we’re in his room.

“Yeah, of course.” I breathe in the familiar scent: a combination of his cologne, shampoo, and laundry detergent. I set the cake on top of his fridge and turn to face him, starting with the bold truth. “I’ve never been in a relationship where we need to have this kind of conversation and it’s scary.”

“It’s scary for me, too. I can handle conflict on the ice, but this is different.” He runs a hand through his hair, eyes soft. “I don’t want to lose you, Fee.”

“I don’t want to lose you either.” The thought makes my heart ache.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I applied to the overseas programs. I should’ve been honest about it from the beginning.”

“I understand why you didn’t, though, and that it wasn’t about a lack of trust. I know my reaction was probably difficult for you, and I’m sorry that we had to wait almost a week to talk it through, but I have a lot of big feelings for you and about you, Mac.” I breathe through the tightness in my chest. If we’re going to make this work, we have to work through the things that scare us.

“Losing my parents was so hard, and sometimes it still feels really fresh. I get kind of…punchy about things I can’t control? Logically, I realize the better route isn’t to cut and run, but the pain of missing my parents can be so overwhelming sometimes…I’m terrified to lose someone I care about like that again. And when I saw those applications, I just kind of...panicked. All I could think about was how hard it would be to be separated from you like that and I got stuck in the spiral.” It’s something I’ll have to work on, but even just telling Mac makes it better. “I know you can’t make promises of forever, neither of us can. I’m just explaining how it made me feel when I found the applications. We’ve grown so close so quickly. The idea of you going away for the summer, and possibly ending up on a team outside of Ontario, or even Canada, too…” I exhale the rush of emotion. “I was overwhelmed and scared, and I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“I wish I could have a do-over for the last week. I was scared to tell you because I didn’t want to upset you, and I realized I was shying away from a potential argument.” He sighs. “When my parents used to get into it, they would have these yelling matches followed by days of tense silence, and I hated it so much. I’ve spent my life trying to avoid that scenario because of how awful it was for me, but I know we’re not like them, and I’m learning that avoiding conflict just causes more hurt.” He sits on the edge of his bed and lays his hand on the comforter palm up.

I take the spot next to him and settle my hand in his. “I think we’re both figuring things out.”